Hi everyone,
I'm 33/5"7/260lb, I haven't been obese my whole life (I started gaining when I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2010) and my current weight is the highest I've ever been. I know some people are OK with being fat, they are healthy and feel good - I don't. My body hates the extra weight, I am in pain everyday and feel like I am dying everyday. I go to the doctor often and monitor all my levels to an almost anxious point so I'm not actually dying but the physical sensation is just...horrible.
I want to lose weight and I know I HAVE to - I get treated better, I feel better, clothes look better, etc.
BUT
Somehow I've gotten VERY comfortable with being this obese and being kinda "invisible". I do have some trauma from the past (not sexual) so I don't know if this plays into it, but being obese allows me to be in the shadows. I don't get attention (well, only when I travel to different places where people stare at me because I'm fat, it doesn't really bother me though), I don't have to dress up or try to look good, it's become a security blanket. I don't have guys fawning over me, people constantly in my face. Sometimes I get jealous of women at work who are pretty and how they are treated (because I am treated differently) but it passes, it doesn't motivate me to try more.
So because of this, I have a blockage in my mind. I start to diet, exercise and then it falls apart as soon as I start losing some weight. Thing is that I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me and I want to be hot for him, I have goals in life, I'm moving and big changes are coming up... but I can't do this for myself. It's almost like I DON'T want to be happy with myself.
I've tried therapy, it didn't work/last - I went through like 5 therapists. Tried medication (two anti-depressants, only made me worse), did nothing. I don't know where to start and how to help myself. Has anyone had this problem? How did you overcome it? I basically eat like a pig now because I just don't care :( Am I doomed?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/rdn26u/im_scared_to_lose_weight_being_fat_is_comfortable/
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