Summary: I feel down the stairs and temporary lost the use of my arm. When I visited my mum she commented that I hadn’t lost any weight and then gave me a homemade cheesecake. I was angry, frustrated, home alone, and wanted to eat it all.
(Update about actual cheesecake at the bottom)
I’m about to visit my mum again so I thought I’d post this update -
Firstly, thank you for everyone who gave advice. All of you helped me realise that this isn’t a circumstance problem, this is a me problem. I me realise that the core of my issues were how uncomfortable I was with receiving support. The idea that someone would help me out out of sympathy makes my skin crawl.
One comment chain made me realise how revolted at myself for needing help, and someone else pointed out how mums lifelong pattern of withdrawing from (or sometimes reprimanding) me when she or something has upset me, and the. later giving me food, has contributed to my eating problems and distrust of sympathy. And really, just knowing that has helped me a lot. Not with the initial emotion, they’re not going away anytime soon, but when I look at a box of cut carrot sticks in the fridge that my husband peeled and cut, that’s not a sign of weakness, or that I’ve lost control, that’s a sign that someone wants to help. Those sounds of sympathy from my sisters-in-law before offering to get me ibuprofen isn’t them infantilising me, but saying that they care.
And you know what? Fruit that someone else has cut for you is the tits and tastes like love incarnate. I’ve let myself be in the community more and let people feed me more and the shame and discomfort is starting to go away… slowly. Mentally checking in when I feel that worthlessness feeling when someone does something kind makes the next time a little bit less uncomfortable.
Also finally eating good quality salad makes amazing positive reinforcement.
Some other stuff I’ve done since my last post: 1. I bought a shoulder stabiliser to help not aggravate my injury while walking. I wasn’t expecting much, as online reviews were quite negative and basically saying it didn’t work. However, it stopped giggly motion in my arm while walking on hard and uneven foot paths, and ended up working more than I had hoped for.
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Stopped drinking pre-made drinks and made my own mixes from protein powder, which reduces calories from sugar and preservatives. Texture is gross but significantly cheaper.
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Tried to get more calories from protein.
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I called my mum a day in advance letting her know that if she makes a cake, I won’t be eating any. She did buy a store bought apple pie, which is easy to say no to.
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I weighed myself before going to my mums house confirming that I’m still losing weight, so if she comments then I can correct her. (I doubt she will, as she’s probably too embarrassed from the last time I saw her)
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There was one comment that suggested ordering off the kids menu - I did this at a Japanese restaurant that didn’t have an (under 12 only) and it was fine!
And for those of you who are wondering what happened to the cheesecake, my husband and I ate it one serve at a time (I don’t remember total serving numbers). I have since had a chat to my neighbours and their kids, who seem open to the idea of sharing cake next time mum sends me home with too much (and she will never be told, lest she send me home with two cakes)
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/11jo1zj/update_mum_made_a_comment_about_my_weight_and_now/
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