(19, M) I went from 280 pounds to about 160 over covid. I gained back about 20 lbs since last December and I now weigh 180. I have loose skin. I'm a university student and I'm never going to look good with my shirt off. I will never have a body I can be proud of or that others see as attractive.
I used to think that my complete lack of confidence came from how others perceived me but then my girlfriend saw me shirtless and she says that she likes me, and I want to believe she isn't lying. However, it doesn't matter because I now know it comes from me. I don't like me; I can't like me.
Ironically, I was feeling hopeful for a bit. My university is a lib arts college and it requires us to take PE classes to graduate. I am enrolled in a weightlifting course for the winter semester. I thought that lifting would help build back the muscle I lost and help me shred the last of the fat on my body so I'd finally have a truly lean build. All I want is to be confident enough with my body to be able to take my damn shirt off but that's never gonna happen. I did research and building muscle naturally will take me years to see any physical changes. By that time, college will be over and real life will begin and that's the most terrifying part of it. I'm not gonna have the body I want all through college and after that is when my body, and everyone's body, will fall apart. At least everyone else will be able to look back and remember when they were beautiful but I never will!
I'm so tired of being a work-in-progress. I'm tired of feeling self-conscious. I want to be attractive so bad but I'll never ever get to be. I know I'm healthier and that I look "better" but I'll never get to look good and that sucks. Thanks for reading my rant internet.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/rvjcl4/i_feel_like_im_never_going_to_be_able_to_see/
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