Hey y'all. I struggled with bulimia, binging and self induced vomiting for about 7 years, and in 2021 started to work on recovering. I have not had any binging or purging episodes in a while now. My first step was take purging off limits, even if I had over eaten.
For a few months, I continued overeating, though the binges were on a smaller scale, I would not purge at all and have put on more weight than I am comfortable with. I don't fit in a lot of my clothes, and I am unhappy with how I look and feel. I also love running, and my speed and endurance suffered from this weight gain.
Currently, I am at the higher end of the healthy BMI range, and would just like to get down to the lower end of the healthy range.
I had gotten desperate many times during the height of my eating disorder, and I would try to water fast/ not eat for days, up to 12 days no food in attempts to get weight off. This would always lead to rebound binges, and subsequent purges (throwing up the binges). More recently, having worked on myself and gotten over my bulimia, I still felt desperate enough in the passed 3 months to lose weight and tried water fasting multiple times. These lead to small binges and days of overeating, and consequently packing on more weight. I am not used to, or comfortable with myself at this weight and it is affecting my self esteem.
I would like to lose weight in a healthy and sustainable way so that my running can improve, and so I can fit in my clothes again. I just don't feel like myself when I look like this.
Disclaimer: By losing weight and fitting in old clothes, I don't mean fitting in my underweight/ sick clothes again, I just mean fitting in my intermediate clothes where I was slimmer, but still in the healthy bmi range. I also talked to my doctor and mental health team about doing this/ trying to lose some weight in a healthy way, and they said it shouldn't be a problem as long as disordered behaviors are not part of the plan, and I'm receiving follow ups with them during the process.
I can't trust my own judgment any more, because my mind immediately goes to the extreme option: do long water fasts to lose weight quickly. I'm now realizing water fasting is not sustainable, and I can't be consistently fasting from A to Z (from this higher weight to my goal). This is why I wanted some outside perspectives.
I'm looking for advice for how much of a calorie deficit I should aim for, that I can stick to consistently to lose some weight, without falling into binging, or any other disordered eating behaviors. And any other tips as far as fitness and diet goes.
I was about to try to embark on yet another water fast but stopped myself and came here for advice, realizing that I was about to launch myself into another cycle of binge eating and more weight gain.
TL;DR: Recovered bulimic at higher end of healthy weight range wanting to lose weight without falling back into disordered eating patterns.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/sf5qzx/recovered_bulimic_desperately_looking_to_lose/
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