I'm a 22 years old female,I currently weigh 100kgs (220lbs) and I'm 165cm tall (5'5). I've been lurking here for a while,and it seems like this is the only positive community where I can express my problem without being treated poorly for being fat.
My situation is a bit complicated.
I've been obese my whole life. Since I was 3 months old,I have had medical reports saying ''overweight''. I faced severe bullying for my whole childhood because of it,and this led me to develop an eating disorder that lasts to this day. I started taking diet pills at 13,and I tried lots of diets my whole life but nothing seems to work. I'm very poor,so I can't afford the diet my dietician gave me,nor could I afford seeing him again. Gyms cost too much,and the only thing I have to work out at home is Ring Fit Adventure for the Nintendo Switch. That said,I try to stay healthy regardless of my restricted opportunities. I don't drink soda,coffee,I only drink sugary things once a week max. I started limiting fast food to twice a month (pizza,kebab or sushi),I don't smoke,I don't drink alcohol and I don't have a very sweet tooth so I don't consume lots of sweets if not homemade smoothies.
I am also autistic,have PCOS and severe depression,so I rarely ever feel well enough to leave my house. That it something that really affects me,as I barely ever get any movement and when I do it's usually triggered by ''I must lose weight asap'' and it becomes less enjoyable.
I want to lose weight,because I want my body to look like what I want it to look like. I like being chubby,so I would want to get to 75/80kgs and then I'd be okay. But it feels incredibly hard to even go down to 95. The fat acceptance movement helped me so much with recovery,but sometimes I feel like I'm trying to force myself to be okay with my obesity because of all the hate that I get,and so I just try to take pride in something that I'm not really okay with. I want to love myself at any size,and love myself enough to do what I feel is right regardless of the hate or the love that I may get by doing so. But it's incredibly hard,and it seems like no matter what I do,I'm bound to fail.
I'm here to ask for help,any tips,any motivation,anything from people who can understand where I'm coming from that can help me reach my goal. Sorry if this was poorly written but I'm not in a very good situation rn. Thank you.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/x9frdn/ed_is_tearing_me_down/
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