Hello all. Last time I posted here I was young, naive, and a 100 lbs lighter.
I have been almost everywhere on the scale that’s dangerous. From vastly underweight in my developmental younger years (5-10yrs) to grossly obese in my early teens (13-16yrs) and then extremely fit and muscular from 18-20 yrs. But with an eating disorder. (Obsessing over counting calories)
I grew up, got a job, started a business, married the love of my life and finally decided with the help of therapy it wasn’t about the scale. It was about my health and numbers were just one representation of that.
I started paying attention to my skin (I have mild to extreme eczema) and my Asthma along with even my hair and nail health.
I have bounced between 280-300lbs. The last two years and my health has been slowly deteriorating because of the excess fat no matter what I do. I’ve come to the conclusion that my health has drastically improved but the only underlying cause for a lot of my inflammation and aches and pains is the excess fat and the issues that come with that. The only reason I haven’t lost weight is because I’m purposefully eating more to avoid falling into old toxic habits. All my issues are related to managing my weight loss and I don’t trust myself.
I’ve been to therapy. I’ve developed a deeper sense of self and my psychology is developing in other places in life but when it comes to food I literally feel like that fat 16 year old again learning to count calories and work out.
I don’t want to lose my sense of growth. It’s petty. But I feel like the fat grew with me. And now it’s time to let go and “shed this final layer” to reveal a newer better version of myself.
I told my wife. Everything is going so well. I’m literally just fat.
I know what to do. I’m just scared to lose my sense of growth and my muscles 😅
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/xh2htz/afraid_to_lose_weight_for_a_petty_reason/
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