I see so much self hate from my fellow overweight folks. I don't love being heavy, but I still think I look cute in the right outfits. I don't hate who I am. I feel like that should be motivation enough to do better. And yet, I can't seem to lose any weight.
The fatty liver disease scares me. I'm not getting any younger. I don't want to die prematurely. I want to live a very long, happy life. I feel guilty for not doing more to save myself, this person that I do love and cherish being.
I just... can't control myself at all. Nothing I've read or been told has helped. Therapy and meds were great for my mental health, but not so helpful for my weight/food issues. I don't exercise enough because I'm too busy and tired. I don't eat healthy because I fucking love crap food. Carbs and grease and sweets and everything bad. I just really fucking love it and my brain like blocks me from thinking before I eat.
I even started smoking again to try and stave off the hungers. Oof. Like, I guess my thinking is that the cigarettes probably won't kill me faster than the fatty liver disease. But now it's just BOTH problems. What a dickle of a pickle I got myself into with that.
I wish I could magically make it all go away.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/smbehf/i_do_love_myself_thats_why_i_feel_so_guilty/
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