Hey guys,
So I posted around two months ago when I finally got under 300 pounds for the first time in years. I had fought off a plateau that lasted for more than a month, but I'm happy to say that I've fought off the desires to sink back into a bad diet. I'm back on my diet and exercising, and I'm proud to say I've hit 282 pounds. Or 281... or 283? Depends on where I move the scale on the floor, LOL.
A few things- the one thing that's huge and sticks out to me is that I've moved from 'morbidly obese' to just 'obese'. I had a BMI of 50, and now it's 38. 370 lbs to 282. I know BMI isn't really accurate, but in terms of the label, that one meant a lot to me when I saw it. I do actually have big bones, and my family all has large hips, so it's going to be even less accurate on me. But. I still have more to go. More hard work to do. And maybe over the summer I'll hit my goal.
There's been a couple of struggles I didn't really anticipate, though, and things I didn't know I wanted to do. One- when I look at my reflection I do a double take frequently. Like I've been at such a high weight for so long that it didn't feel like me. It brings back so many emotions of standing in the mirror in high school and hating my body and myself. Pretty raw stuff. Not to mention memories of gaining weight and crying when various things didn't fit, or I couldn't fit on a roller coaster. Things I can do now and things that fit now. All of my clothes, pretty much, are WAY too big. 3xl sweatpants to 2xl being nice and slightly loose. Going from 2xl t-shirts to larges (xl in some brands). Strangers treating me better even when I have at least another 40 pounds to go until I hit my goal. It's crazy. It's just been super emotional, and not all in a good way like I was expecting? I know I'm going on about a lot of stuff here but I was just hoping someone would get what I'm saying with it.
I know 235 pounds for my height, even having a large frame and a lot of muscle, is still technically overweight. It is my first goal, but I don't even know if I want to try pushing past that. It's like my weight, since I've been a little kid, has been my identity. I don't know how to wear clothes that aren't large and baggy, or just 'designed to look good on fat people'. I can't make fat jokes like I used to because people take it as self deprecating even already, even still being on the high end of obese. I'll have to get a whole new wardrobe, maybe even before that goal because my clothes right now are comically large on me. It just scares me. There's so many unknowns and it's like it doesn't feel like my body. People interact with me in ways I don't know how to deal with. I get invited to more things. It's just crazy. But I'll still keep chugging.
And of course, good luck to you all.
P.S. it was worth it breaking my diet for one day on the best tacos I've ever made :)
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/sow00w/little_checkin_some_good_news/
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