So I forgot my headphones. I was going to finish my workout come hell or high-water. The problem is that until last week I haven't had the courage to be in a gym much less workout without melting into an embarrassed pile of anxiety. 205lb now. Starting weight 242lb. I'm still on the wrong end by a lot, looking at the goal of 160. So I need to be able to be in this place without freaking out. I start out my run going for target HR for 30 minutes as a warmup. I'm pointedly staring at the numbers, and eventually, my eyes are closed. for just a moment the world is dark and I'm moving on autopilot.
I open my eyes and I'm not thinking about anyone else anymore. I'm not in the gym. I'm in myself. I'm miles below in a space just for me. The machine is beeping telling me I'm at my target heart rate and i fall into this rhythm. In that moment I can't help but start to smile. I'm not gasping for breath anymore. I quit smoking. I'm not dying of thirst either. I don't feel like I'm running out of energy since I changed my diet so drastically that the old me wouldn't even recognize or tolerate the portions or the items new me is happily consuming. The world slows down a bit and I see that I've increased my speed without knowing it. I found flow again and I'm absolutely ecstatic! Last time I felt this was the playing Dark Souls and finally getting the Dancer boss. The machine is beeping that Ive gone above my target HR. Fuck that I feel like I can run for the first time in my life! The seconds tick along and I find a new rhythm and a new cadence, like switching gears in a car I just find this new little slot I never knew existed. And there I am. 30 minutes passes by and I see Ive completed a 5k and then some. It felt, not like nothing, I'm sore in different ways, not gasping for air nor in any real pain. For the first time in my life, it felt good.
So yeah. I never knew i could actually find happiness inside the gym but hey, Goals.
I have to say I'm so happy to continue losing it. hell even if i don't lose anymore just being able to find that state and find that happiness in myself is too wonderful to give up.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/syaoo6/feeling_the_inspiration_today/
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