I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but it’s about weight loss, so I thought maybe I could hear other people’s opinions on this and that I could get some advice.
I’m 23 years old, female, 5’6. Currently 120 pounds (54.5 kg) When I was little, I was regarded as skinny by others. But when I hit my teenage years, I gained weight, and I was nowhere near overweight, but I was not “skinny” anymore. I was just normal weight.
Being skinny had been placed in my head as being this ideal, that you’re attractive if you’re skinny. I know it’s wrong, like even I myself find people who are not skinny attractive, but I couldn’t think of myself as attractive unless I was skinny. This was around the time where I started to get very insecure about my thighs. I have a pear body shape and so I always gained weight around my thighs. When I used to see girls with thin legs, I used to always be jealous and wish mine were like that. It took me a long time to understand that my legs would never look like that, didn’t matter how much weight I lost, due to my body type.
When I was around 17-20, I started gaining a bit more weight. I reached about 147 (67.5 kg) pounds and that was my heaviest weight. And that is still in the normal weight range for someone of my height. However, seeing that I didn’t look like I did before and that my jeans were a little tighter on me made me really upset. I feared that I was going to keep gaining weight and be overweight.
I wanted to lose weight. I kept looking up pictures of models and KPOP idols, their weight and I wanted my body to look like that. I know it’s dangerous to idolize that, because most of them are underweight, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that they were beautiful and I could be too if I was around the same weight.
And so I made plan for myself to eat a little less and exercise a little more. And in about 4 months, I lost 26 pounds (12.5 kg). I didn’t starve myself and I think I lost it in a good amount of time (not too fast). My dream goal was to be around 122-127 pounds and I had finally achieved it.
And here is where my anxiety started. Here I was, with finally the “thin” body I had always wanted since my teenage years. I did not want to lose anymore weight. So I slowly started to eat more and I cut back on my exercise.
But my weight loss hasn’t stopped. It’s been about two weeks since I stopped trying to lose weight and started eating normally (no calorie deficit) and I still lost 1.5 pounds. And I know that’s not a lot but it is scaring me. If I lose 5.5 more pounds (2.5 kg) I will end up underweight. I’m extremely anxious I will continue to lose weight. I was worried I would immediately gain back the weight I lost if I stopped eating in a calorie deficit but the opposite happened.
I don’t know what to do. I’m exercising less and eating more. I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know how I am supposed to strike a balance anymore.
“Am I eating too little? Am I supposed to eat more? Should I be eating a snack even if I’m not hungry? Will I lose weight if I don’t? What if I start to eat too much, more than I intended and immediately start to gain weight back?”
I can’t stop thinking about all of these questions for the past two weeks. Every day, around meal time, I don’t know what I’m supposed to. None of my jeans fit me anymore, and I keep thinking that if I buy new jeans - what’ll happen if I gain weight and won’t be able to fit into them, or that I’ll lose more and they’ll be loose again.
I’m simultaneously scared of gaining back the weight I lost and losing more weight unintentionally and ending up underweight. I’m finally around the weight range I’ve wanted all my life but I’m scared.
I’m happy with my body now, this is not what this is about. But I’m scared and very anxious of unwanted change.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/t29os4/after_achieving_my_weight_goal_im_now_afraid_im/
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