Hi Lose It, apologies in advance for how long this is.
First post on this thread despite having been a lurker for a while. I've been wanting to get my health & fitness in order for a long time now but never felt ready. Or, to be honest, was never motivated enough to actually do something about it. At 5'2, I was always just on the upper end of 'average,' at 135 pounds. Over the pandemic, I have gained 15 pounds and am half a pound shy of 150. I no longer fit into most of my clothes, and I no longer feel sexy around my partner. Officially overweight, and I am feeling the effects: lethargy, headaches, bad sleep, lack of self-esteem. I am kicking myself for letting myself go but I am trying (and failing) to be kind to myself. Recently, under doctor-supervision, I weaned myself off of a highly addictive medication that was prescribed to treat my depression. 9 months of weaning, I am officially drug free, but I think I used food as a crutch during the withdrawal period, and ate my way through all the withdrawal symptoms which were quite horrid; brain-zaps, intense lethargy, the flu, nausea, body aches, debilitating vertigo, etc. It's been one month since I have been symptom free.
Finally, about 2 weeks ago, I found myself ready to start eating healthy again. I started running, doing kettle bell workouts, and most importantly: I quit buying chocolate/ chips from the corner store (which was a daily occurrence). Sugar is/was my main crutch and addiction, in the form of soda, candy, cake, icecream... McFlurries are my weakness.
But now.. all i want to do is SMOKE. I used to be a smoker, for over 6/7ish years. I started in my late teens, and quit when I turned 26. I've been clean nearly 4 years now. I haven't craved a cigarette in so long, but now, it's all I think about. How eating clean, and cutting out artificial sugar, and working out... all of it would be so much EASIER if i just had one, long drag of that cigarette. It would stave off my hunger, curb my appetite, and dull my cravings. I sometimes find myself fantasizing about lifting that cigarette to my lips, and closing my eyes as the nicotine hits my blood. Terrible, I know.
Somehow, I am struggling with a clear food addiction and now, my old addiction as well. It has taken every ounce of energy not to walk to the corner store, and buy a pack. I've almost done it, twice, but my partner was there to compel me not to. I am aware that I have an addiction-prone personality, and with so many "addictions" being cut out, maybe my body is struggling?
Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like quite a failure. I'm less than half a month in, and the obstacles feel nearly insurmountable. Any advice or words or wisdom, or similar stories, would be much appreciated.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/o0m64p/cleaneating_triggering_old_addictions/
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