For context, I am a 5'8 25 year old woman. My family has always really valued healthy eating and exercise, which I feel very fortunate to learn about as a young child. I was always really thin and athletic, since my family would always go on walks, hikes, bike rides, play outside, etc. Then I got to high school and started rowing which I immediately fell in LOVE with. Everything in my life revolved around rowing, so I ate and worked out to improve at my sport. I also rowed in the "lightweight" category, which for women means you can't weigh above 130 lbs (this caused a lot of disordered eating issues, especially as a tall-ish woman like myself). I continued rowing in college until I got a terrible back injury from overuse and had to stop rowing. This was also the same time I met my now fiancé, and we started spending all our time together. He's the absolute love of my life but....he eats like crap. For the last 4 years, I've been eating like I never have in my life-fast food, eating takeout all the time, huge portions, etc. I'm so embarrassed by it, and I feel like I should have known better than to let myself get to this point.
So, in short I've gained 50 lbs since high school and feel so lost. I do have quite a bit of muscle on me, because I still absolutely love working out (most recently I've been getting into powerlifting). I have gone on diets and lost 10-15 lbs by tracking my food and eating in a deficit, but have always gained it back and then some. Now I need to lose around 20-30 lbs before my wedding next year. I feel so ashamed that I let myself get to this point, and I know it's just because of lazy poor food choices, and I truly feel like a stranger in my own body. This is supposed to be the body of an athlete. This is what I pride myself on and always have.
How can I find some acceptance in the reality of my situation and feel okay with the fact that I have some fairly significant weight loss ahead of me? I know HOW to do it, but I just don't know if I have the willpower, because every time I look in the mirror or step on the scale I'm reminded that I failed to live up to my identity as an athlete. Has anyone felt this way before?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/o86t88/former_athlete_feeling_like_a_stranger_in_my_body/
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