Sorry to vent but I'm incandescent with rage and I need to let it out. So my mom called me the other day to hear about these sewing classes I'm taking (I want to learn how to make clothes for my toddler) and she said she could have some fabric at home for me to experiment with. For instance, 'An old dress of yours I found in your room! I've never seen you wear it, you could make something with it'. I have a box of old clothes at her place (that she said I could leave there, 'No problem!') but I had no idea what dress she was talking about. 'It's still got a label on, it's so incredibly small! I tried it on, it doesn't even fit *me*! I think you must have bought it' a slight pause as she did something in the kitchen, and I assumed she would say "when you were in uni", because I was at a normal BMI back then, but instead she said 'online'. The assumption being, I made a mistake and bought something 'so incredibly small' and obviously that's the only explanation because apparently in her mind I've been obese all my life.
Now what I hate about this (on top of her going through my stuff and trying on my clothes, tbh) is that I used to be fit in uni but then when I started grad school one of my friends died and that triggered an anxiety disorder + the crap eating habits my mom taught me developed into a fully fledged eating disorder I finally got therapy for. It was a horrifying period in my life. My mom knows all this, and the fact I put on 60 lbs almost overnight obviously was visible after I came back from grad school, but after one week of cuddly words and empathy she started with the passive aggressive tips on how to lose weight that never really stopped.
Today I got the famous dress in the mail, turns out it's something I bought for a wedding abroad and then forgot at home so I have the exact date when I got it and unsurprisingly it was just before my friend died. It's a UK size 12 (US 10), which is what I wore until my life spiraled out of control (at my biggest, I was spilling out of a UK 18 / US 16, now I'm UK 16 / US 14). So it's not incredibly small and also something that actually fit me back in 2009.
I don't know. It's a small thing, maybe, but it annoys me so much. It's like my mom is not only constantly hinting at how fat I am and how I'll never lose weight, but also gaslighting me into believing I was never thin in the first place. It's infuriating.
Anyway all this to say I lost 30 lbs so far, and I am going lose the last 30 out of sheer spite before the end of this year. My new goal is to show up for Christmas dinner in that fucking summer dress even if I die of hypothermia and act like it fit me all along. Literally what the fuck.
Thanks for listening and good luck with your own journey!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/o6a3tx/mom_problems_rant/
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