24F. 5'5. SW: 141. CW: 124.5. (obviously this is not the most impressive weight loss. And I fully recognize that many people start much higher than me. But I am proud of what I accomplished, especially given the circumstances) This is long, but tl;dr: extremely depressed through my first year of law school after losing a parent immediately before. Gained weight. Lost it during finals and kept it off even through my parent's memorial. tw: death.
Like most of us, 2020 was extremely difficult for me. I was a primary caretaker for my parent as they underwent cancer treatment. Between chemo and steroids, basically all they wanted to eat was sugar. And well, when a person is in hospice, it seems pretty pointless to deny them a milkshake. And so we would all get dessert.
They passed away in the fall, and with that of course came cookies and lasagnas and meals cooked from the heart. Then, a week after they passed, I moved to live on my own and began law school 800 miles away. It was a very blurry time in my life.
Spring semester was… incredibly hard. I think the grief caught up. It was also winter and dark and snowing. After I would get back from my evening class, I turned to either grub hub or popcorn because most days I just didn’t have the energy to cook. I’ve never experienced depression like that. I’m lucky that I was able to take care of the rest of me, such as showering, and I’m extremely proud that through all this I didn’t miss a single class or single reading. But, man, cooking? I just… couldn’t. So I’d order a medium pizza and cheese fries. And eat until I was so full I threw up. Multiple times a week. On the days I didn’t order food, I’d make an oven pizza (when I finally looked at the calorie count—1500. And I was eating that at least twice a week) or just make a bowl of popcorn. I ate popcorn for lunch probably every day for at least a month. If not that, I would go get McDonalds or Taco Bell, and hope that no one recognized my car.
After getting my first shot and realizing I was going to be outside more, something clicked. Honestly, it was more likely the fact that my other parent had finally gotten the shot and I could stop putting the weight of their survival on my shoulders. I’m not unique in this worry, especially this last year. But to lose a parent to cancer, which nothing could stop, and then immediately risk losing your other parent to a global pandemic—it fucked me up. A lot.
By early April I looked in the mirror and saw a double chin. I finally weighed myself and saw that I weighed 141lbs. I began the semester at 130, so I gained like 7% of my bodyweight in, what, 2 months? And of course that was all fat.
One day in April I downloaded MFP and just… started. I immediately jumped to logging every 1/4 teaspoon of oil. Every dash of paprika. I clearly went extreme in the opposite direction. But I averaged 1300 calories a day, and never ate below 1000/day. I really was eating healthy. I subbed my 3/week pizzas + ranch for 1/week cauliflower pizza + bolthouse farm ranch. My popcorn (+ trail mix (it's so good with melted m&ms!)) for carrots, broccoli + bolthouse ranch. Started adding frozen veggies to everything. This was also when studying for law school finals really took off. Between studying and the pandemic, I really wasn't tempted to go out with people. I don't think I had a single alcoholic drink for a month. I know I didn't order food for 6 weeks, and didn't have fast food either. I really didn't feel hungry at all, I just ate healthier and more filling foods, though my meals were extremely repetitive.
In mid-March, I started doing yoga slightly before I began logging. I knew I needed to move. I was taking mostly online classes in my 1 bedroom apartment. It was easy for me to just never leave for the day. I was too nervous about COVID to go to the gym. So I started doing the Sweat App Yoga program. I personally liked it because it doesn't have the spiritual flair that a lot of other yoga programs have. I would turn on a podcast, and essentially stretch for 30 minutes before class. I could do it in my PJs, and not need to shower before changing.
A few weeks into calorie counting I began walking. Just... walking. At first it was a mile, and then three, and then I got into the habit of walking 5 miles three times a week. I still stayed under 1300 calories most days; the walking was mostly just to... move.
Anyways, long story short--I continued calorie counting through finals. I made it down to 126lbs before coming home for the summer. 15lbs lost, in just under 2 months.
I haven't actually used MFP since coming home for the summer. I was at 126, which I was happy with, and knew that my other parent was not going to cook the same way I did. Once I got home, we had my parent's memorial. We weren't able to do it last fall because of COVID, so once we all got the shot we decided to finally put them to rest. It was emotional, and exhausting, and full of food. We had people staying with us, which meant this event lasted much longer than a day. Desserts and pastas and chips and alcohol. Then a few days later I went on a trip with friends for the first time since COVID. Alcohol and pizza and yummy dinners for days. It essentially felt like a binge.
It's been a few weeks since then. And today I'm at 124.5 lbs. My weight went up a few pounds after I got back, which was expected (we drank a lot lol). But I encouraged my other parent to buy almond milk and bolthouse ranch and other healthy alternatives. And I lost the water weight. Without calorie counting. And definitely eating more than I was eating at school.
I'm just.... really proud. My parent's service was hard. It was the second hardest thing I've ever had to do, only behind actually watching them die. And we were surrounded by yummy plentiful food. I'm actually smaller than my college graduation weight. Now that I'm fully vaxxed, I'm excited to get to the gym and actually work on muscle.
p.s. an entire box of annie's parmesan mac & cheese + a cup of frozen veggies is like 600 calories. That's it! For a box of mac & cheese! She saved my carb-lovin butt through finals.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/o70u5q/i_finally_feel_like_i_can_post_here_maintained/
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