This is a very difficult post for me to write - I have never really spoken to anyone about my weight. I am a 35 year old male, and I have battled this for almost all of my adult life. Between the ages of 18 and 22, I floated in weight between 280 lbs and 350 lbs. I'd never really keep a conscious eye on my weight, and I lived a fairly nonchalant life with regards to my health and eating. I didn't have a good relationship with my dad, and he was always fairly critical of my weight and also of my chosen career path (he hated IT and office jobs). I met my future wife around this time, and we'd occasionally fight about weight issues as well - she is constantly talking about the latest diets and weight loss hacks, and sometimes it could be frustrating talking to her about it - especially as she was (and still is today) fairly heavy. The difference between us though, is that I have never been critical towards her regarding her weight and size, whereas she frequently will comment to me about it.
When I was 23, I made a very concerted effort to change. I joined Slimming World, learned about healthy eating and managed to get my weight all the way down to 220 lbs. This also coincided with a time where I moved away from my family/partner/friends for work (about 300 miles away), so I had a lot of free time to cook/exercise etc. My dad then passed away, and as a result of this I made the decision to move back home and be near the family.
When I moved home, I found that I had literally lost all motivation to train/diet. Without my dad being there to criticise, it was easy to be lazy and fall back into old habits. I've even developed worse habits than before - like stopping for fast food before going home and then eating again at home. Secret snacking more than I have ever in the past and not keeping a log of what I've eaten. It genuinely feels to me like food has become an addiction. I've been slowly gaining weight since then, trying the occasional diet on and off but not sticking to anything religiously. And then over lock-down, I felt worse in myself, even though I wasn't training. I struggle to maintain my sex life with my wife (which was already ropey, even at my healthiest weight), and basic tasks such as showering feel like a chore. We have a 2 year old daughter now, who I feel like i'm failing by not being able to be as energetic with her as i'd like.
I'm now 35, and earlier this year, I felt ill and more lethargic than usual (I've never felt great, but this was acute). I was diagnosed with Heart failure, and my body had built up a huge mass of fluid. Thankfully I've been medicated for this now, but during the process the doctor discussed things with me and took my weight again. I was absolutely crushed to see that i'd gone up to 444 lbs. That was a very tough pill for me to swallow. It's completely my own fault, and there's no one to blame but myself.
So - to get to the point of this post - I've decided that enough is enough, and I need to do better. I've been researching, and I don't want to over-complicate things. I will be sticking to a Calories In < Calories Out approach, and trying to find the willpower to avoid some of my old bad habits. I'm going to try and maintain this for as long as I can, and improve my long term health.
If you've made it this far, thanks for reading - I wanted to write this to create some sort of impartial accountability for myself, and hopefully I can continue to provide progress reports on how things are going. Here's hoping they will be good updates.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/o7nmco/enough_is_enough/
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