27F 5’9 HW: 298 CW: 215 GW: 180
In October of 2021 I started my weightloss journey. Due to PCOS my hair started to fall out and that turned my world upside down. So I was determined to get my hormone levels to normal and address insulin resistance. I ate keto/lowcarb very strictly for 8 months. I ended up losing all but 10lbs of 80lbs lost weight in that period of time.
Then I slowly began to fall off. I just wanted normal foods again, the social aspect and the ease. Plus I basically ate the same 12 foods and became really tired of it. It started with corn tortillas and now here we are full blown fried chicken, sub sandwiches and occasionally cookies.
Somehow I have managed to not gain any weight in the 6 months I’ve fallen off the wagon, though I haven’t lost anything. I really struggle with getting back to my diet. I feel an immense about of shame and guilt. I know that with my PCOS I can’t have normal food, then I become upset. The diet food becomes a punishment. I think about what I’m not supposed to eat all day. Eat low carb and healthy and then binge at night. I am terrified of gaining weight, and yet I do it anyways. Terrified of more hairloss and scared of diabetes. I feel an immense amount of stress about food. Even relatively healthy foods I consider “bad” such as oatmeal, barley, brown rice, and even some fruit. To me I feel I failed, just as much if I eat a plate of pasta.
Even keeping it out of my house is unhelpful because I just eat crap the next day on my lunch break. I want to binge or eat carbs so bad it’s all I can think about. Then I do it and panic that I’m ruining my life. Almost like a drug withdrawal. I am able to sit with my urge sometimes until it passes (takes about 45 minutes to an hour.)
My whole day is centered around food. Whether or not it’s a good or bad food, if I’m failing or passing that day. When my boyfriend asks to go to a restaurant I immediately feel stressed. All day I think I’m a failure and abnormal. Everything I put in my body brings me intense shame.
What can I do to unravel this hole I’ve gotten myself into? It’s miserable to be so concerned with food, and to binge. I think at this point I’d rather just stay in maintenance and be happy than so distraught all the time. I weight myself everyday. If I’m two pounds heavier or lighter it effects how I feel about myself That day. Even if there is no visual difference.
I want my hunger cues to be normal and to stop my unhealthy relationship with eating.
What helps you guys?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/102p6gj/tips_for_binge_eating_behaviors_and_ed_in_general/
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