Hi. I've never really written personal posts on Reddit and definitely not fitness-related ones, but I feel like I've hit a wall and my thoughts are eating me up about it.
I'm 18 years old, 5'1, and around 140 lb. I'd like to say I carry my weight well but I'd say that's more because I have a bigger chest in proportion to the rest of my body. I've always struggled with body issues due to being slightly chubbier than average growing up while also being shorter than my peers. Throughout my childhood, I took part in different sports but focused primarily on dance and thoroughly enjoyed it. From ages 14-16, I would dance almost two hours a day and lost a bit of weight then. I would consider myself at my smallest during that time. As covid shut down extracurriculars, I found myself barely getting any physical activity and snacking much more and during this time I would say I gained around 10 pounds.
Around November of last year, I decided I was tired of the way my body looked and was ready for a change, so I joined Noom. For those of you who aren't familiar with it, Noom is an 8-week program focused on changing eating habits through psychology and provides users with an online coach. Deep down, I really expected amazing results within those 8 weeks, so I was absolutely crushed when I saw almost no change. Looking back, I'm hesitant to pinpoint the reason exactly (since I was working out and tracking my foods almost daily), but I want to say it's because I only ate 1200 calories a day. Honestly, the only thing I was left with was an unhealthy relationship with food. I would have occasional days where I would feel immense disappointment for eating over 1200 calories and punish myself with another 400, but it never got to the point of complete binging.
Noom didn't work, so I decided to get a personal trainer. I want to preface this by saying that I'm extremely lucky and privileged to even have access to a personal trainer, which is also why I feel SO beyond disappointed with myself right now. I've had a personal trainer who I meet with around once a week since May. It's almost September now. And I've lost around 5 pounds. I know that all my time in the gym isn't for nothing as I've burned some fat and gained muscle mass, but I haven't seen a super obvious difference in my body. During the summer, I really wanted to utilize my free time and go the extra mile (literally) with cardio, so I would go to the gym for an hour and walk 5 miles sometime later in the day. And I did this for WEEKS. I was so convinced that the trainer would help me get skinny. The 1200 calories. The daily walks. And somehow, nothing's worked. Above all, the disappointment and resentment I hold for myself have been the worst things to deal with. How can I not lose just 30 pounds? Or even 15? I see older women reminisce about how fast their metabolism was at 18 and how easy it was for them to shed a few pounds and just feel intense envy. Is this not the peak of my life? One of my close friends started going to the gym around the same time as me (Nov/Dec) and has completely transformed her body. In my head, I've been doing the same things as her, counting calories like her, working out like her, and yet, I've seen almost no results.
At this point, I honestly feel like giving up and continuing to exist inside a body I'm ashamed of. I've tried inputting every item I eat in myfitnesspal and tracking my active calories and drinking water - everything that's supposed to work. So how is it not? I have so many resources that I'm insanely privileged to have and I somehow can't even see results with those. I'm aware of how superficial all of this sounds, but I feel stuck in a bubble of disappointment and frustration and am not sure how to move forward. Any and all advice is appreciated. :)
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/paezi2/unmotivated_and_upset_with_no_results/
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