Hi. Making this from a non throwaway, which means I’ll probably delete this, but I gotta get this off my chest.
I am at the point of just being completely exasperated with my health and trying to lose weight and how much it’s affecting everything I think and do.
I am in incredibly poor shape. 35 year old male. 4’9”. 330 lbs.
My first child is 2 now and when my wife was pregnant I really wanted to lose weight to be a better father. I kept saying we have 8 months, I’ll get on it ASAP. Then 7… 6… 5… nothing changed.
So, I started the process of getting the sleeve surgery in September 2020. Since then, it has been struggle after struggle trying to get surgery. Colonoscopy, endoscopy, capsule endoscopy, low iron, infusions, really struggling with cpap, can’t find a therapist taking new clients, hematology issues so I’ll be on extended blood thinners. Still not surgery date set.
Now my second child will be born near the end of the year and I feel like an absolute failure.
Tonight is one of those nights where all I can think about is why can’t I just eat less and move more! I’m so terrified of surgery that I do NOT want to get it. But I feel like it’s my only option. And now it’s all I think about. To the point where I barely have an appetite but I still binge eat just because it’s all I know to do.
I lost 70lbs around six years ago just by counting calories. But I’ve gained it all back and then some. Losing weight seems like such a simple equation, I’m baffled as to how I am an absolute master and failing at it and sabotaging myself.
I’m not sure what I hope to achieve by posting this, I just had to get it out.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/pewk4y/at_my_wits_end/
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