Hey all, not sure if required but here are my stats:
31 Male / 5’7 / 130.3kg/287 lbs
I’ve joined here because I’ve finally realised, I can’t go on the way I’ve been living.
This weekend that just passed I attended a Bucks Event for one of my oldest friends featuring around 9 other guys. I was super excited as most of the guys I am also good friends with and after a stressful few weeks it would be a chance to let off some steam.
It was hosted on a Saturday and the day was split into two main sections, the 1st being a Paintball Session at midday and the 2nd being dinner and copious drinking later in the evening (naturally).
I was sightly apprehensive about the paintball session as I knew it had the potential for embarrassment on my part (being a larger guy and not particularly used to high impact, exercise type situations) but what happened was frankly embarrassing beyond anything I could have predicted.
We were allocated into teams and then told to come collect our overalls. The instructor told us he would allocate us a size based on “what he saw.” Anyway, naturally I get given a size that looks pretty big and the buttons only just, and I mean just, do up – the suit is so tight 3 of the buttons around my stomach undo if I bend or crouch – I should have been brave enough to simply pull the guy aside and ask if he had a larger size, but I was too embarrassed in front of the other guys and just tried to suck my gut in. Bad move.
We then get allocated out paint ammunition which comes in a Velcro strap which is designed to be tied around the waist. Naturally mine doesn’t fit. At all. I end up tying it around my hips which is the only way there’s enough strap length to work, but the belt starts to slide down with every step I take anyway. If anyone there took notice of this, they just pretended not to see (for which I’m kinda grateful) but then to my horror I see that one of the other guys in our group who I would normally consider the heaviest has his on with no problem at all. I’m confused at first and check that all the straps are the same size and slowly the realisation dawns on me. I’m now the fattest guy in our group.
What proceeded over the next 2 hours was the most embarrassing, helpless and depressing event in recent memory. Me constantly trying to keep my belt up, redoing buttons of my overalls every half minute and trying to keep my cool not wanting anyone else to see I’m ready to burst into tears as I desperately try to keep up with everyone else. I can't even run for 20 seconds without needing to readjust something due to my size. Watching everyone else have a completely care-free blast while I died inside was extremely painful, embarrassing and degrading. I decided then and there that I was going to do something about it.
The next morning, once my sore head had eased a little and I had emotionally re-composed myself, I weighed in and measured my height to calculate my BMI. It wasn’t an easy number to accept but I recognise that I have to face up to reality if I want to deal with it.
I know that Reddit can easily lend itself to drama, but honestly a part of me died this weekend and I’ve realised that I’ve just been lying to myself for years about my weight and my health. The idea of who I am in my own head and the actual, physical reality to do match up at all. It was painful to have that revealed but in a way I'm now glad.
Anyway /rloseit - I’m finally here and ready to make a change. Thank you for reading and hopefully you’ll hear from me soon.
I’ll happily take any tips and/or well wishes you care to send my way!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ped468/ive_been_living_in_a_fantasy_world_aka_i_think_i/
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