terrified to weigh myself

I am trying to lose weight. I also have an eating disorder (atypical anorexia - because I'm not underweight - and body dysmorphia).

I'm restricting calories, but I have no idea if it is working because I'm terrified to check my weight. It always upsets me to the extreme. I feel so much shame. But how else do I monitor what's going on with my body?

I also have a really hard time telling how clothes fit. I know that sounds stupid, and I don't know why it's like this, except the body dysmorphia...I'll wear a pair of pants one day and feel fine, and then next day, I'll feel like they are super tight and I've gained 30 pounds.

Any thoughts? I'm really struggling...thanks

submitted by /u/seriousbigshadows
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/p9rtcx/terrified_to_weigh_myself/