Hey guys. So I (f/22/160cm/58-59kg) am flying to South Korea tomorrow aknd I'll be staying there for about a month. Obviously I'm super excited and can't wait to enjoy my time there. However I do have some mixed feelings. Let me explain: I've been trying to lose weight for a while now. It's been on and off but after my last time in Korea (2019, weight was about 63-65kg) I told myself I would lose weight before going on another vacation. Reason being that 1) I was very unhappy looking at videos/pictures of me even though I had such a great time and 2) I knew that I could be healthier and more fit (walking was kinda exhausting). So in three years I lost some weight but it was a struggle; I lost some, then gained it all back, lost it again, etc. I was/am going in circles. I now know what I did wrong (restrict, overeat, no exercise or exercise I didn't stick to, etc.) and I'm trying to lose it in a healthier way - I track calories and I go running 1-3 times a week. I also try lifting but I don't enjoy it that much so I couldn't make the gym a habit yet. Anyways. About 5 months ago when I booked the flight I told myself I would go down to 52 kg. I would've had to lose 2kg per month to do that. However it didn't work since it's hard for me to stick to my calories (1550). I can manage when I'm on my own but as soon as I meet friends or visit my family I eat SO much.
Which finally brings me to the reason why I'm making this post. I've been having a "F it all" mindest the last couple days. I've been getting seconds or dessert at every meal, have eaten a shit ton of sweets (chocolate, ice cream, chips which I don't even like that much) and I didn't even track (which is weird for me since it really became a habit). And my thoughts were "I won't be having this for a month now" which is bullshit bc I know I'll be going to restaurants and cafés and eat cake and chocolate and have drinks. I do want to keep it in moderation and not have cake or sweets every day but I do want to enjoy the food. The only thing I really won't have is good bread (I'm german and I'd say we have the best bread in the world) which I didn't really eat the last couple days. I've been overeating last weekend as well and told myself that I'd go down to 57,9kg before my flight but that didn't happen; I weighed in at 59,2kg today. And I'm disappointed but I still ate so much even tho I told myself I wouldn't. The thing is my stomach hurts and I don't even want to eat more chocolate but at the same time I do and it's so frustrating because I know how I'll feel after and I still do it. And now I'm scared that I won't be able to eat in moderation while on vacation and gain weight and end up the same I was before. And I don't want that. Losing the few kilos was hard and I don't want to have to start all over again. I don't want to see pictures of my vacation and feel horrible about them. I don't want to try on pants over there and feel bad because they won't go past my thighs (happened the last time I went on vacation).
So do any of you have any advice on how I should proceed? I'm planning on going on runs while I'm there, I want to go hiking and I'll probably walk a lot. But I'll also eat a lot. And I don't want weight loss and food on my mind the entire time I'm there but that's all I've been thinking about for the last few days. I just feel so confused because I want to enjoy my life but also not go back (or over) my starting weight.
I'm sorry this got so long, I guess I really needed to vent.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/wmxwyy/mixed_feelings_about_vacation/
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