This is mostly a vent, but I’ve been really sad the past year or so about being single.
I work from home right now. We haven’t seen each other. I’m doing really well. Supposedly I’m one of The Top performers and I just started the position. Everyone’s nice to me. People I talk to say I sound cute because of my voice—it’s very feminine, I guess. And a customer even said, “You sound very beautiful.” It’s so sweet and nice, but all I can think is: it’s a lie—I’m not beautiful.
My voice doesn’t match me. Or maybe it does. I’m not sure. I think, probably, I am pretty cute between some physical traits and my personality. When I was thin the one time in my life I ever was (severe anorexia and bulimia), I had a lot of attention. From both sexes.
Now I am just under 300 as of a few weeks ago. My highest was 335 and I’m 297 now. I messed this entire week up, however, I didn’t go over my TDEE for the week. So I’ll at least have maintained my weight and not gained.
There’s a colleague I speak to on the phone a lot. I’m stupid. I get excited hearing their voice. They sound so hot, and I’ve actually looked them up so know they truly are.
I sound cute, or pretty, and maybe I even am — but it doesn’t matter because of my weight. I don’t wish the world was nicer to me because I’m so overweight. I just wish I never became so obese in the first place. I grew up in an unhealthy home. No one cared about physical health. Health wasn’t a priority. Looking thin and perfect was, which I rebelled against.
I look at women with beautiful bodies and know I’ll never have that. Even when I get to my goal. But I’m okay with having CLOSE to that. As close as possible is better than nothing at all. But I’m also so sad because I’m still so overweight and will be for the foreseeable future, even while losing. It will take a long time for me to get even mildly not obese looking.
I saw some guy in a store that looked like the guy I have dumb crushy feelings for, and they had a girl with them. I don’t look like that girl. That guy wouldn’t give me the time of day in this body. And my hair is super thin from losing it after almost dying from covid. It will never be the same again. I’m starting rogaine next month. Fat and hair thinning.
I hate myself, a bit. Sigh.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/wug8r0/looking_at_attractive_people_and_knowing_theyd/
No comments:
Post a Comment