Hello, so I'm a 28 y/o recently married woman and my partner (now husband) of the same age has been having these absolutely heartbreaking gout attacks at least once a year for the past two years. He's very bad about seeking out proper healthcare (stressful computer job serving as an excuse for all things) and this time he's finally gone to an actual PC instead of an urgent care. The news is back, he is 6ft tall and 250 lbs which is solidly in the clinical obesity range. This is difficult and unexpected news for him because he doesn't look canonically "obese" as he has very muscular legs, no "big gut" etc.
His reaction has been hard to deal with as he's always been insanely sensitive about his weight after a childhood of being overweight and then always having a larger build throughout his teen years and early 20's. He started off with total denial claiming that the scale at the doctor was at least 30 pounds off base, when I tried to suggest that that was really stretching the realm of the possible he became even more agitated. He went out and bought a scale just to double check: 250lbs.....obviously.
The numbers don't lie, he's far too deviated into the obese range for platitudes like "oh you're just slightly overweight". This entire year and a half has been really difficult due to COVID obviously and this final chunk of weight that's tipped him over is definitely quarantine related in all of it's shitty facets.
I am someone who's always been thin or solidly normal and I have dealt with his progressive weight gain by ignoring it completely and sometimes lying to his face to avoid triggering an incredibly disruptive emotional state. But when we go shopping he's had to go from M to L to XL now. The gout is a huge red flag for health effects which are already impacting him but he remains steadfastly convinced that it has nothing to do with weight at all though the attacks didn't start until quarantine and weight gain.
Any suggestions to handling this denial compassionately? I feel guilty for being complicit in this and not saying something sooner for fear of hurting his feelings.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/p6j03k/advice_about_being_a_compassionate_partner_to_a/
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