This is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life. Twice before, one of those times while pregnant. Last time I was this much, during university (mid-thirties) it took me about 5/6 months to get to a weight I was comfortable with... was steady for years at 140. It was the healthiest for me and is my current goal. Was back up to 155, Aug. 2016. Within 4 months after that, when ex-husband and I separated, I lost another 35+lbs. perhaps too much for my body type. Even my grad dress was too big for me. VS bra size was 32D. Clothing size 4 or -, extra small. Feet even shrunk to 7.5-8. Now: XL, 14-16, have no clue about bra size (bralettes now), 8 1/2-9 shoes. I try to look at this as a project and not as a reflection of who I am inherently. I try to separate ‘church’ (spirit), from state (of being) fat. However, it becomes hard as I don’t like my reflection in the mirror and feel distant from my physical being. I’m weighed down. I feel heavy. I feel like it makes me older, beyond my years because of the limitations of carrying the extra weight around. Perhaps, that was how I lost the weight before: not feeling ‘weighed’ down. I really believe my weight reflects my state of mind, happiness, and sense of autonomy. Okay... yes, I enjoy food, but when my emotional state is good and I feel hopeful, moderation with food is much easier. Wish me luck, the support is very much appreciated. Best to everyone else achieving their own personal goals!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/m39gre/starting_from_the_beginning_again/
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