I've had enough

I've had enough. I'm even posting this from a throwaway because i'm ashamed of doing it from my real account.

I'm 32F, and being overweigth almost my entire adult life, I had been losing weigth since 2017 and I lost around 55 pounds. Then I got pregnant and gained some, after giving birth lost some of that. And then shit hit the fan, baby had health issues and ended up needing surgery at 2 months old. After a month of stress and bad eating, when she was sent home, pandemic hit my country.

I stopped exercising as much as I did before because I mostly did swimming, but that was shutted off. Still is. Started eating a lot and ended up gaining weigth, and now I have gained all that I had lost and more. My actual BMI indicates that i'm obese.

I feel bad for myself, I have been trough a lot and I know eating doesn't make me feel good, but I do it anyway. And then I feel guilty. I look on the mirror and I hate myself. I don't fit on my clothes. I have also been working from home so staying home didn't help either. I keep looking old pictures and I really want to cry.

I have tried to start on diets several times, but another problem is that I don't find proper support from my husband. He keeps telling me i'm fine and that I look beautiful but I hate that he keeps buying unhealthy food despite I have told him not to do so.

He got me food for my birthday, I know he ment well, he got a cake and cooked a nice meal, but again, unhealthy food. I sincerely would have preferred a simple present, even a flower. But no. So I eated. And felt miserable all day, ended up crying alone in the bathroom before bed.

So, I have had enough. I'm so angry with myself that I seriously have had enough. I'm subscribing to SLAM program from Ashley of getmomstrong and I'm cutting carbs and sugar. I have told my husband that I don't want junk food in the house, and that I'm really serious this time. Wish me luck, I know that is not going to be easy.

If you made it here, thanks for reading, I really needed to vent. I hope i'll be able to share some progress with you in a couple of months!

submitted by /u/Chemical-Distance-11
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/m5zvwe/ive_had_enough/