For context I’m currently 27 and am a female.
Okay I’m gonna start out with mentioning that I take full responsibility for my life choices. However, that doesn’t negate the anger/regret I feel.
So I struggled with my weight on and off throughout my life. In my late teens I was diagnosed with PCOS and was also put on antidepressants: two factors that made it extremely hard to lose weight and kept my cravings and hunger at an all time high.
When I was around 21, one of my diets turned a bit into an eating disorder. Binging and purging cycled with extreme restriction. However, I was not underweight, probably smack in the middle of a normal BMI. I was tired of the cycle so I sought out a dietician who is also a therapist. Turns out she was very HAES and Intuitive Eating driven. She had me read a ton of HAES-y material and I believed it all. She also had me stop weighing myself. I was tired of my eating disorder so I decided to “intuitively eat” which basically meant binging and emotional eating. This went on for years. I also was on a pretty high dose of SSRI (I also have pretty bad OCD) which made me feel numb and kind of indifferent to my weight gain. I gained over 50 pounds.
Fast forward around 5 years later, I decided to get off my SSRIs. The negative effects of the last 5 years hit my like a brick. My PCOS has gotten considerably worse (I don’t get periods, my acne is bad, my hair is thinning) and I realized how fat and ugly I am. I have not seriously dated anyone in the past five years, I feel fat and unloveable, and I blame HAES, my dietician, my SSRIs, and most of all myself.
My health issues are a testament to HAES being bullshit. My PCOS was under control while I was at a healthier weight. Also, how on earth can intuitive eating work if my diseases and medication make me constantly hungry while slowing down my metabolism?
I don’t mean to be super bitchy and whiney. I have a plan for change and I’ve already lost 10 pounds in the last month. I just feel like I’ve wasted my early to mid twenties being fat and numb.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/g10eog/haes_ruined_my_life_ed_trigger_warning/
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