Ok. I'm sorta lying. It's been years of torture thinking exercise was Satan's proof that he existed in this realm and lived to squelch my dreams of ever having a hot body.
Every day I was telling myself "Today’s the day" which gives you the very accurate picture that the day never really came.
I would gather whatever courage was left in my body and send to my poor lungs and feet that were racing on a treadmill and my little arms that somehow managed to grip some scary-ass metal contraptions at the gym.
I would focus in on the music to escape the physical pain my body was in and be like "Yes! See how it hurts? It hurts because you've been eating badly and shitty behaviors get shitty rewards". Lmao. Like wut?
No wonder I never stuck with it. I have always loved myself way too much to talk to myself like that in my head. Now, I'm realizing I can love myself way more by listening to my body and speaking back to it. If you think I'm insane, you're probably right; I won't deny it but I also won't deny the amazing results that came of it.
So two weeks ago, my workplace finally decided to let me work from home because I let them know I had human rights and shit. Cool. So they let me go on certain stupid conditions but I let them know "I'm still keeping my hour lunch break. And when I say I'm signed off, I mean it. I'm off".
The night before my first day at home I was so anxious/excited I could hardly sleep. My body knew something different was coming. I had planned it for a little while to where I would eat lunches at my desk while working and would walk or read during my actual "lunch break". And imagine my joy when I found out I could walk with a Kindle in my hand and walk around my neighborhood at the same time.
Life-changing.
I'm the paranoid kind that thinks someone's always out to grab them from behind or get cat-called from a block away but with everyone self-quarantining and keeping away from everyone, my mind was so much more at ease. So I kept walking. I did it again and again and again.
I started to bask in the sun and really admire the way the leaves and wind moved around me. I breathed it as deep and as fresh as Spring would let me. I am looking at these walks as an escape from my job, as a way of exhaling all the stupid stress I carried on my shoulders and leaving it out in open air where it couldn't reach me for a little while.
I went bike-riding yesterday with my friends and we did 10 miles together. We looked at it as a much needed hang-out (with masks and distance between us) but still. We ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the lake and the drop-dead gorgeous sunny weather. I didn't feel my quads burning til after the long ride and laughs were tucked away in a memory.
So my perspective's changed a good bit. I bought myself a little floor mat, some resistance bands. I motivated myself by getting myself brand new athletic shoes and new shorts to match. I did invest a little over $100 for this but that's probably the best hundy I've spent in a while.
I used to be the kind that could spend $80+ in a weekend easily by eating out. I didn't give a damn. "Ayyee it's the weekend, live a little!"
Well now I'm truly living; nicely now, actually.
I never thought it would happen to me. I always thought exercise would be a punishment for the way I ate. Like if I made my legs/arms/back sore enough I would think about that pain next time I reached for a cookie. Now I'm seeing that the cookie was just emotional eating and I can control that. I can also control when/how I choose to relieve my stress via working out.
I haven't seen any results on the scale yet because quite frankly, I haven't stepped on it and kinda refuse to. I know myself too well to know that I can get hung up on the numbers.
And you're probably thinking "Well what's the point, don't you want to see yourself losing weight? What are you actually losing?"
Stress and sadness, that's what --
and it can kiss my small ass goodbye.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/g8pxwp/from_dreading_to_dreaming_of_exercise_all_in/
No comments:
Post a Comment