I lied about eating an entire cake today. My s/o just found the empty box in the trash. I’ve never been more ashamed or felt so alone.

Every Wednesday my s/o and I shop from a restaurant to support them during this time (odd day, I know, but weekends are too crowded for us to socially distance while out and my s/o’s mom is high risk). He was working all day so I, recently laid off, offered to pick up our favorite toasted almond cake from a local bakery. I get home and he’s still in the home office working. An hour passed and I have a taste of the cake. Then a slice. Every 20 minutes for about 3 hours I keep eating the cake. By 4pm the cake I bought at 10 am was gone. I buried it in the trash under everything I could find. A little before 5 my s/o asks if I’m ready for a slice. I tell him the bakery was out. He asked why I didn’t get something else. I told him because that’s what we REALLY wanted and no point to waste calories on something we’d be settling for. Oh the irony. This made me getting caught later sting so much worse.

Now that we have no cake, we decide to bake cookies after dinner. As we’re throwing away cookie box, egg shells, etc, my s/o goes to push down the trash to fit more. A second later he’s pulling out the empty cake box. He looked HORRIFIED. So visibly confused. And I just started crying. This is my lowest low.

He knows I’ve been “trying” to stick to a diet but I haven’t told him that I can’t control myself around food. And it doesn’t even matter what food. I’ll binge on anything in the house - including disgusting concoctions when I can’t find real snacks like flour mixed with butter and sugar. I haven’t been losing weight but I’ve been telling him I’m doing “everything I can”. Obviously that’s not true. And today was the most humiliating way for him to find out.

I want to say I’ll change tomorrow but I’ve been saying that every day. I have 55 pounds to lose to my goal weight and 40 to be a normal weight. I’m short so that’s A LOT. I know all the advice, books like brain over binge, etc, I just need to do it. I just wanted to share with people who might understand. I feel like a freak. Normal people don’t eat like this. Normal people CAN’T fit all this in their stomachs let alone have meals after pretending they didn’t eat all day. I’ve never felt so alone or ashamed. Hence the throwaway.

submitted by /u/loseitlowest
[link] [comments]

source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/gan0he/i_lied_about_eating_an_entire_cake_today_my_so/