Hey everyone, I'm more than 60 days into social distancing now, and it's come with a decent amount of self-reflection around my issues with general overeating, mindless eating, and compulsive binge eating. I'm nowhere near where I want to be yet mentally and physically, however I still just wanted to note down some of the things that has been helping me.
Here are some framing concepts that have been helping me in my journey to both getting the body I want, and also being more mentally content:
It's about forming habits. What are the habits you want to have?
We brush our teeth twice a day and think nothing of it. In reality, that's just a habit that we've formed. What other good habits are possible? What bad habits are possible? Is overeating a habit? I'd like to think of it as one. (Again here, I don't want to be insinuating that things like depression, anxiety, etc are habits for people. This mindset is just something that's helped me personally and I'm choosing to go with it).
I've made it a habit to think about food as soon as I wake up. I made it a habit to make it to dinner time and see it as a "oh now I get to relax from work". I've made it a habit that when I think of relaxing, I think eating whatever food I want to eat. Work is over, now I can finally dig in! With that mindset, why am I surprised that once I start eating I just don't stop? I've made it a habit to eat and finish eating before I clean up. I've made it a habit that once I open a box of crackers, I'm going to finish it. I've made it a habit that I need to eat everything I cook.
Some of these habits are ones that I don't like in myself. I don't want to buy a loaf of bread and finish it in one sitting (me, yesterday). I want to be someone with habits I deem good. I have the power to make or break habits and to become the person I want to be.
You are you. Habits are things that you do.
You are not a binge eater. You are someone amazing, considerate, resilient, who happens to have a bad habit of binge eating. You are capable of breaking that habit and forming healthier ones in the long term for yourself both physically and mentally.
You are not a "fat person". You are someone amazing, considerate, resilient, who happens to be fat (no offense here, just trying to make a point). You are capable of making the changes necessary to get your health in line and be the best version of the person you want to be.
This is useful in considering all things, even outside of weight. I'm not a night owl. I'm just someone who happens to sleep late. Do I care? Not really, so let me continue and live my life. It's once you've understood that it is something you want to change, where you begin to draw the line.
What are the things that are important in my life? Do I want it to be 'food'?
Through many reflections (the acid trips helped), I've realized that purpose of my life (as of now at least) is to make positive connections with people and experience all that life has to offer (the good and the bad, amor fati). Food, and in particular social eating is a possible conduit to that, but it's hardly the only one. So why was I so obsessed with it? Why did I wake up every day thinking of what I wanted to eat? Why did I get takeout and finish half of it before I even made it home? And during my binge moments, why was I losing control sitting in front of the couch, eating up all the cheese sticks when I know I'm lactose-intolerant, shoving powdered PB2 into my mouth and using my saliva as the wet mixture? This isn't what I want to focus on doing. And that doesn't even speak to the lack-of-control-feeling I felt during binging. I want control over my eating habits, just like I want control over my life. I think this is something we all want.
What type of hunger do I have?
I recently started listening to the audiobook version of "Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful Relationship with Food" by Jan Chozen Bays. I got it from my local library, though you can also grab it on Amazon, don't forget to use smile.amazon to donate to charity! In the book, Jan talks about the seven different types of hunger:
- Eye hunger - for when things just look amazing
- Nose hunger - smells and whatnot
- Mouth hunger - the way the food actually tastes
- Stomach hunger - getting the grumbles
- Cellular hunger - what your cells actually need, oftentimes water
- Mind hunger - what your brain tells you
- Heart hunger - the social aspect, missing homemade meals from your family, etc
I think everyone can have their own interpretation of these types of hunger and what it means for them. What it means for me however, is that:
I want my experiences with food to be about mouth and heart hunger. I want to eat food that actually tastes good, which often isn't the case for my binges. I also care a lot about heart hunger, I want to be mindful and aware of how food can change my mood and I want to use that in positive way. If craving a certain type of soup when I'm sick makes me happy in my heart, I want to go for that! (An interesting consideration here is that even the concept of wanting hot foods when you're sick can be a habit we've formed.)
Am I considering both my mind and my body?
Continuing the above, what I don't want to give into is mind hunger. We are made up of our mind and our body. Yet more frequently than not, we give into our mind and all our little neurotisms, and stop thinking about our body. When I binge, I give into my mind fully. Specifically, I give into the reptilian part of my mind. If I can take a step back to listen to my body, it would be telling me to... stop. To get back in control. I'm already full! I'm satiated! You're lactose intolerant and this is painful!
It's a cycle, because becoming more aware of your body will allow you to become more aware of your mind. Once you're more aware of your mind, the more you can realign your thoughts to becoming who it is you want to be. When I get to this stage, I can think clearly again! Oh, I'm binge eating. Oh, I'm actually going back to doing poor habits that I don't want to be doing. Oh, I don't think food is the most important thing in my life, so why continue? Oh, I want to be in control again. Oh, I am capable!
What feelings am I replacing with food?
Is it anxiety? Is it procrastination? Is it straight up boredom? What healthier ways do I have to deal with these emotions?
Work for me has been particularly stressful. I'd wake up on Monday mornings and feel like "oh walking to the bakery nearby is necessary for me to get my day started and power through". This, once again, was a bad habit I had built. Who NEEDED to eat a few slices of banana bread before 9AM on Monday? No one...
What I ended up doing is actually taking a few days off work to just reset. I'm grateful that I was able to do this. However, I do think that each of us have other more healthy ways to deal with any of these negative emotions. Let's try to adopt the best ones that don't leave us feeling upset in the long run.
What I mean by the long run is simply that, while eating banana bread was good for my anxiety in the moment, weight gain, feeling sluggish, and my overall obsession with food that could have easily just led into binging again later that night... did not make me happy. They made me extremely unhappy, extremely disappointed, and extremely physically sick. We deserve to be happy. And we have the autonomy of choice to be happy.
So yeah, if it's boredom, download a stupid game on your phone and waste time there instead! If it's procrastination, try to align it back to your goals. What are you trying to accomplish? How are you going to get there? What kind of person do you ultimately want to be?
When I'm simply experiencing boredom hunger, I try to remember that when you're in an airplane, going off by a single degree doesn't feel like much. However, hours later, you'll end up in a whole different country. I want to be someone who is proud of how I look, and proud of how in control that I am over my body and over my mind. I have the power to get myself there.
We are capable of making the change we want to see.
Live in the present by fully accepting your feelings. Good and bad.
Yesterday I binged at night, and was forced to go to bed because my stomach hurt so much I couldn't stay sitting up. Though, did I really binge eat like I normally do? There was some sense of loss of control. I ate a lot more than I wanted to. But I was able to really consider what it is that I was doing in the moment. I was capable of realizing what was happening, noting that it didn't make me feel good.
Instead of eating the whole loaf of bread, I threw out some, and tossed some more garbage on top so I wouldn't reach back into the garbage to grab it. I'll take that win as it is!!!
And now today, when I could have just continued binging because I had already fucked it all No. I'm capable today of leveraging all the things I had written up there already. Of realizing, oh actually I'm not all that hungry right now, it's just my mind hunger. Of mapping it back to my goals and realizing I don't want food to define me. Of considering the physically and mentally healthy goals I want to have.
Yesterday is over. You fully felt those feels. You didn't feel great with how you did. But now all we have is the present. Another opportunity to adopt good habits. You're capable and worthy of taking it.
Want to consider these things on your own?
Here's some reading that have helped me:
- Mindful Eating: A Guide to Rediscovering a Healthy and Joyful Relationship with Food, by Jan Chozen Bays (I'm listening in full, borrowed from the library)
- The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, by Eckhart Tolle (I only read the Blinkist version and it's still made a massive difference)
- Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones, by James Clear (Blinkist version again here)
Anyhow, I'm sure all of our circumstances are different, so different things will work for different people. I hope that some of this helped, because it was therapeutic for me just journalling it. BTW, I wrote this first for r/BingeEatingDisorder, but thought it might be useful here too.
Hope you all are taking care as best as you can, know that we'll get through the tough times we're in right now, and that you WILL become the version of you that you want to be. We got this!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/g84fss/some_mindful_eating_tips_for_physical_and_mental/
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