I'm 23/m, and 385lbs. My weight has stolen my life, literally every problem I encounter on a daily basis is due to my weight, but I just can't stop fucking eating. I can't summon the willpower for more than a few minutes to maybe a day if I'm lucky. I can't even work out at the gym because after a couple of months I started getting injuries and was just re injuring myself every time I tried to start back in. I'm so fat I know that to look like a normal human being I'm going to need surgeries I have no idea how I would afford (excess skin, large lipoma on my forehead, etc).. Usually my diet falls apart at the first major stress I run into, lately its been car related mostly as my cars been getting more unreliable and I'm literally completely fucked if it quits on me before I'm able to get enough money to throw more parts at it.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm pretty sure my environment is the biggest problem and thats literally the one thing I can't control. My family is pretty typical for the American south, large high calorie meals are getting cooked constantly and once foods in front of me I'm eating it. I also work as a cargo van driver which gives me wayyyy too much time to focus on thinking about food. Like I'm literally starting my shift daydreaming about lunch, which gets that weird painful fake hunger feeling going etc, but I don't think I'll get a better job until I get a college degree and even that seems impossible because even just sitting in a chair for more than 30-60 minutes has my back screaming. Literally the only time I'm not in pain is when I'm laying down. This has also ruined gaming which has historically been my main escapism, as I can't even play for long periods of time lying in bed because my arms go to sleep really easily these days.
I don't know what to do, I want to lose weight. I know its ruining my life, I know I'm not going to survive my 20s if I don't. I know I'll never find love if I don't. I know I'll never achieve financial prosperity if I don't. But when I'm hungry, even the slightest bit, all I can think about is the next thing I'm going to eat. Sometimes I literally will just be in the kitchen wandering around in a stupor trying to figure out what will satisfy my current craving. Sometimes I'll eat one thing and it doesn't help so I just immediately fix something else until I'm full. Or I'll be ordering at a resteraunt and way over order, stuff myself nearly to the point of throwing up and think "geez that was wayyyy too much. I would have been full with half of that" and still the very next day there is a voice in the back of my head worrying I wont be full that tells me to make another gigantic order (which is weird because I've never experienced food insecurity). Its like a base, animal panic inside my head. I'm pretty sure my sense of full is completely broken. Full to me means "I cannot physically hold down another bite" and I even enjoy the sensation of choking down a bite of food that was wayyy too big. Honestly the only descriptions I've ever heard that align with what I experience all the time are people that have been addicted to HARD drugs. If you could OD on food I'm sure I'd have done it by now.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in a chicken or the egg situation where my enviroment is perpetuating this behavior but to escape my current enviroment (IE: have enough money to live on my own) would require becoming a normal weight first. I read somewhere only 1 in 1200 people that reach my level of obesity will ever achieve a normal weight again in there life, idk how to become that one person. I successfully dieted @ 1600 calories a day for like 3 months a couple of years ago and lost 45lbs but it fell apart when I got fired from my dream job. It seems like every since then my body knows what I'm trying to do and fights back 3x harder. Like I actually start to get jittery and physically weak sometimes when I'm not eating high calories meals regularly (AFAIK, I'm not diabetic and I have had bloodwork done to check about a year ago). I guess I'm looking for advice or thoughts, I'm looking for that one revelation that will make this achievable.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/11ln8hp/my_weight_is_ruining_my_life_and_i_dont_know_how/
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