Non-scale victory, even though it doesn't feel like a victory: recognized old disordered eating habits and decided to make a change.
I started typing this up on the daily thread, and it got so long, and I know there's other folks on here who also have a history of disordered eating, and maybe it will resonate with some of you. But this is my first post so if this is an inappropriate solo post or in the wrong place please let me know!
I got out of the shower today and realized literally all I've been thinking about all day is calories, macros, calories, macros, entering my calories, macros, planning my calories for tomorrow. it's been like this for a few days, and today I saw it for what it is. It's the same disordered patterns of thinking that haunted me during my teens and again in my early twenties and now they're back again.
I've been tired, dragging, and miserable in my body for the past few days. I've been eating 1100 calories and thinking "I'm not hungry anymore" even though I've been exercising every day. I've been wondering why I felt so bad when the weather was so nice and I had finally gotten through my weight plateau.
It seems pretty obvious to me now: I was not eating enough and obsessing over the food I did eat.
I don't want to me miserable again. I don't want to lose weight at the cost of all my mental health. I had been doing so good! I've been doing CICO for almost three months and it's been working and I've been happy - not feeling deprived or obsessive. I hit a (small) plateau recently, and I think that really brought on a lot of my obsessive thinking. So, I'm going to take a break from tracking and weighing for (at least) a week.
Honestly, though, I'm just so sad right now. I thought I was better than this now. I thought I had healed from my obsessive thinking. and now it's back. But, unlike before, I saw it. I recognized it. I decided that this time, the obsession and misery will not win. This time it different. I am choosing to be healthy physically AND mentally as I lose weight.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/m2hcs5/nsv_recognized_my_old_disordered_eating_habits/
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