I've been following this page for the last little while in hopes that it will motivate me to finally fight for my happiness. This post is a bit all over the place, so I apologise in advance!
I'm not obese or that overweight by any means, and I know that my current weight is a lot of people's goal weight.
I've dealt with anorexia nervosa, binge eating disorder, and everything in between. 3 years ago I moved to NZ to be with my boyfriend, and it's been a journey (in terms of my health).
I joined a diet centre when I was 18 because some guy stopped talking to me because he thought I was fat. I had always been the big girl in class since I was a kid, so this hurt me.
Worst. Decision. Of. My. Life. This honestly ruined me. I know that so many people have found success with CICO, and I wish I could because it seems to work really well for so many people. But this lead to so many obsessive behaviours that I'm still trying to shake to this day (I'm 29 now).
I moved to Vancouver when I was 20 to attend university, while in a long distance relationship with a guy back home (Montreal). I got depressed, dropped out of uni, gained all the weight that I had lost when I was 18, and then some. I think the highest I ever weighed was about 200lbs. I'm 5'6" and carry it all in my mid section. So I wasn't feeling too great about myself, as you can imagine. Managed to lose some of it, I think I got down to 170lbs through yoga and running.
When I was 22 I moved to Australia and for some reason just stopped caring about calories, was drinking heaps, but I was super active (going to the gym 5x a week with one of our flatmates and snowboarding almost every day). The weight seemed to melt off. I think I got down to 160lbs, but I still thought I was fat. Although I remember this time fondly because I ate food and enjoyed it.
A few years later, Australian boyfriend and I broke up, and I moved back to Canada. Stopped drinking, joined a gym, was cycling everywhere, rock-climbing, hiking, snowboarding and everything in between. Fittest I had ever looked and felt in my life. I think I got down to 145lbs (but it still wasn't enough).
Wasn't really sure what I was doing with my life, jumped between cities, gained weight, lost weight.
Finally ended up moving to NZ 3 years ago to be with my partner (whom I met in Australia). Weight's gone up and down but has consistently been around 175lbs. Fitness is non existent at the moment (my partner has a broken spine from snowboarding so the activities we can do together that don't cause him more pain are limited). Started eating everything and anything, but I have stopped counting calories. I've been enjoying a lot of foods, but I still don't feel great in my skin. I look at pictures of myself and I don't like what I see.
I've tried doing Whole30 on and off (and I'm currently doing one now - on day 22). I downloaded MFP the other night just for fun, I thought I might be in the right headspace to use it effectively after all these years. Nope. Binged on RxBars and everything else tonight.
And so I have realised that I am still not where I need to be with my relationship with myself, and food. I've come a hell of a long way, but there's still work to be done.
I want to do it right for me. Right for my boyfriend. I am so tired of letting food control me and this idea that I have to "work out" when all I want is to enjoy food, enjoy activities, and enjoy life. I'm currently at 163 lbs and my goal is 145-150lbs. This is where I feel good. Not perfect, but really good. I've never had a six-pack and I don't think I ever will. And that's okay! I don't need one, but I do want to feel comfortable and capable.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you've made it this far. This post ended up being a lot longer than I thought. Tomorrow is a new day!
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/lzm5lc/long_time_lurker_first_time_poster/
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