I always blamed my rapid weight gain in my late teens/early twenties to losing my father. It made sense; grief does crazy things to people. But that's not why. Sure, I gained about 20 pounds from the sweets and casseroles, but that's not why I'm sitting at 235 pounds at 23 years old.
I responded to an abusive situation with food. Deep down, I think that if I'm fat, no one can throw me around or hurt me anymore because well...they can't make me budge from my place. I'm less appealing because of my waistline, I dress in baggy clothes because I say I'm insecure, which is true. But I don't want attention because I don't want it to happen again.
I realized how absurd this line of thinking truly is. No matter how big I am, if someone wants to hurt me, they can and they will if they're stronger than me. Hell, the average beginner at weight lifting can bench 132 pounds; that's for a BEGINNER. I don't mean to be conceited, but I'm pretty despite being close to morbidly obese. Men do find me attractive, so this deeply imbedded master plan of mine didn't work!
Yes, I've been in therapy for the abuse; I've come to terms with and dealt with it. I'm in a good place despite my food addiction. My therapist never helped me connect the dots between my health and what happened to me. It has to stop here. What happened to me is not going to put me in a grave in ten years. It can't have that power over me anymore.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/g232q7/i_realized_why_im_fat_today_trigger_warning_abuse/
No comments:
Post a Comment