Long story short, I grew up as a chubby child within an abusive family. I am mainly raised by my mother, who has temper issues, due to my father working overseas.
I have grown up being called fat, pig, ugly, etc. My mother has gone as far as to make a rhyme out of my name: ‘fat, fat, May’ and I grew up hearing it constantly.
My father is a very big health nut, to the point of suffering from eating disorders. The only thing he talks to me about is my weight, but he encourages exercise and diet, which I appreciate. The problem is, he often recommends things I recognize as destructive, such as abusing laxatives, juice cleanses, pyramid scheme tablets, etc. He only ever talks to me about health and my weight, which is... kind of sad. I grew up hearing a lot about how much prettier I’d be if I wasn’t fat from him.
There were never any set mealtimes or structure around food in my family; it was, and currently is, eat whatever, whenever, wherever you want — except in restaurants, in which case eat very little. My mother would flip between forcing me to eat everything she piled on my plate, despite being completely stuffed, to taking food off my plate and literally placing it onto the plates of others in public while complaining about how greedy I am.
It also does not help that I developed an eating disorder when I was 13-15; I stopped purging, but I still have intense urges to binge at times. I used to eat to curb my feelings and my problems, which is something I struggle with now.
I am now 17, and I really want to fix myself. My eating habits now compose of 12 or more hour periods where I do not eat at all, to suddenly overeating. I mainly only eat during dinner, and then eat again at night — this is mainly when the overeating occurs. I know it is wrong, and I want to fix this. It is just when I am hungry, I find a lot of ways to justify overeating to myself, even when I know I should stop.
Additionally, most of the recipes I am able to cook are very unhealthy, and I have no idea what else there is. I mainly eat potatoes or pasta, as that is mainly what there is to eat at home. I am unable to go out and buy ingredients because my mother does not allow me outside unless it is for a school event. I know this is not normal, I cannot do anything about this as I’ve learned the hard way that it’ll just earn me a stream of curses and slurs screamed into my face, followed by a declaration of hate and then guilt tripping.
However, I am willing to learn. Most of the food in the fridge runs the risk of being expired, hence why I eat potatoes and pasta. The only ingredient we have a consistent level of are milk and eggs, as that is what my sister, whom my mother loves, likes.
I know this is a really long read, but I appreciate all the advice I can get.
Thank you.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ee0ovb/i_am_17_and_i_have_an_unhealthy_relationship_with/
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