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Weight Loss for Everyone: No matter how much I'll lose, I'll probably never feel happy with myself.

Thursday, September 1, 2022

No matter how much I'll lose, I'll probably never feel happy with myself.

I've no idea if this belongs here, but I thought I'd post anyways since it relates to my weight.

I've always been the fat kid, I was bigger and broader than most girls growing up. I had a mental breakdown at age 8, and after that anxiety always followed me. I'd eat bars, chocolate, crisps, cupcakes, etc for comfort. At age 10 I stared to feel extremely self conscious about my weight. At 13 I was called an "elephant" by my classmates, and they've brag about how they were 7/8 stone, meanwhile I was 14 stone. And this was right in my face, I honestly felt like shit. I lost about 3 stone when I was 16 (11 stone). That was the lightest I've ever been, and I remember at that time still feeling pretty shit about myself. I'd nearly suffocate myself trying to get into a size 10 pair of jeans, I'd refuse to size up. I'd buy clothes that were 2 sizes smaller so I could "fit into them later". I looked at myself in the mirror every day, unhappy with how I looked. I used to compare myself to my classmates, I'd admire how pretty they all were, and I desperately wanted to look like them. And I also vaugley remember this dickhead who laughed at how heavy I was, which sent me into a massive spiral of feeling worthless.

I gained all that weight back, I'm 5-6 stone heavier since then. And guess what? I still feel like complete shit. I'm losing weight for myself, not for how I look. I had a pretty bad fall 3 years ago, and all the weight is putting pressure on my sore back. So I do have to lose some of what I gained. But I still can't help but feel disgusted when I look at myself. I'm getting my hair done tomorrow, something I've been wanting to do for ages. But all I can think about is "there's no point, you're still fat"

I never want to go back to where I was when I was 16. I want to feel happy with myself, even if I'm heavier. But it feels so impossible. And I have no doubt, even if I reach my goal weight, I'll still feel awful. And it sucks, cause its so discouraging. I try to remind myself that I'm doing this for my health not appearance, and that I'm worth more than the number on the scales.

Sorry for posting this, I just need to vent this put somewhere.

submitted by /u/callmedingus101
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/x3mhow/no_matter_how_much_ill_lose_ill_probably_never/

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