I’m going to say something here that I’ve only ever told one person in my life, because it’s kind of embarrassing, but…do you know the movie Just Friends? Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart. Ryan Reynolds plays this obese guy who is in love with his best friend who is a girl (Amy Smart) and she is the “hot chick” of their school. So he always has to be on the sidelines watching her date everyone but him, and obviously she doesn’t look at him as an option because he’s obese and I guess sort of a dweeb. They really push the whole—geeky fat boy—trope with him.
Anyway, they live in New Jersey. My home state, and on the night of their graduation, Reynolds decides to tell her his feelings with a note in her yearbook. But her ex who is a typical douchey jock footballer comes in and interrupts them. La di dah. The jock winds up grabbing the wrong yearbook and reads this love note to the entire party at Amy Smarts house, and they all start making fun of Reynolds. Calling him gay, fat, etc. So he leaves, super upset, but tells everyone to remember his name because he’s going to “be somebody.”
Then we see him next at some huge party where he is super fit and very hot. I mean, it’s Ryan Reynolds. Duh. And he’s a womanizer. In LA. Working in the music industry. On his way to Paris he and this psycho (played by Ana Faris, so funny) music singer his company wants to sign have plane trouble and they wind up having to make an emergency landing…in New Jersey. He goes to his moms house and the craziness ensues. But he gets to go back to his town as this fit, successful person and be seen by everyone who knows he’s kind of a big agent in music. Amy Smart sees him looking hot. Obviously she’s blown away. And his bully is some drunk still wearing his football jacket in a bar ten years later. Reynolds even pays for a beer for him because he has no cash. It’s the ultimate revenge life/body. I wanted this so badly in life.
I wanted to move some place far away and get skinny and successful, come back to my hometown and even my family and look down on them all. Because they all always made me feel like a piece of garbage. Ten years later and I never did any of it. I got stuck on my way to it. I got sick with an autoimmune disease. I got to move away, but I’m bigger than ever. Not successful at all. I feel like a total loser. And as I was watching this last night and even missed the ball drop, I literally started to feel sick. Nauseous. I realized that not only was I not who I wanted to be at my age, about to be thirty three, but I am in the same exact place as last year. Literally the same. Weight hasn’t budged. Still no job. Lying in bed all the time from depression. And I did badly this past week. Like many of us here came in to talk about. I’m only three weeks into my latest journey that I want to be the actual journey. The serious one. And I messed up the most of the week. And I really feel bad about myself. I wanted to write posts in here asking why I can’t do it. Why I stay stuck like this. But I realize that nothing anyone says is going to do anything for me. I’ve always received advice. When asked for or not. I know what my issues are. I self sabotage. I obviously have depression. I was about to just let myself do whatever I wanted today, and for God knows how many days. Order a pizza and go at it. But then I realized that this is about being accountable to myself constantly. No one else. No one cares about my weight as much as me. Even if I project and tell myself that I’ll be treated better when I’m skinny. That’s not real. The realness is me wanting to be healthier for me. Or even in vanity to look better. But that is fine. That is my business. It’s also my right. And this is what it’s about. Getting back up on the horse to go again. This is what the successful people mean when they say it wasn’t linear progress. There were ups and downs. Times where they messed up but they kept going and they went far enough eventually to get to where they wanted to be. If I keep sticking to my plan this week will not matter at all. It will be one of those times I went off but then kept going.
This time next year I want to have logged my calories in Lose It for 365 days. I want to be 80lbs down, halfway to my goal. I really, really want this to be the last year that is the same. Where I feel stuck. So I’m back on the horse today. Because this time it actually does feel harder to lose what I want for my life than to lose the things that bring me false comfort. I’m going to really fight for myself this time. For the person that wants to be me.
Sorry if this is dumb. Maybe I just needed to write it out. Will prob delete later.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/rtwmi0/keep_going/
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