Hello Reddit, I am hoping for some advice on this situation with my severely obese son. Please try not to judge me too harshly, I know a lot of this is my fault but I need to do something now.
He is 5 foot 11 and I'm not sure of his weight as he has long become too heavy for the scale, but comparing him to pictures I think he must be around 29 stone (405 pounds) Possibly more.
I had my boys young, 17 and 19. At the time I was using drugs and in a relationship with their abusive father. Their home environment was not good and both of us comforted them with food. They were both chubby quite early on. I regret this relationship so much.
I tried to put them on diets at 10 and 12 years old but it didn't work at that point, if anything they just ate more. Their abusive father was out of the picture, but by this point if I denied them food they would cry and get extremely angry and as a single mother working long hours it was sometimes my only way to get any peace. The thing is, their behaviour was fine, as long as they had food.
My older boy got into sport (and sadly also drugs) at around 14 and lost all the weight, he stayed slim up until about 22 when he got big again, but now he's lost the weight and is actually under-weight. I know this is not good either, but he is a lot healthier than my 23 year old son and he is at least independent.
My 23 year old still lives at home and has never had a job more than a few months. He is smart but has poor qualifications. All he does is sit on his computer, play video games and eat. He uses all his government benefit money to buy food. He orders in usually once a day and the rest of the time he snacks on whatever he can find. He has one real life friend left, but they rarely see each other these days.
When I have nothing for him to eat in the house, he responds by making the environment toxic and yelling at me. He has even called the police on me a couple times when I have turned off his internet and refused to give him food.
He very rarely leaves the house, when he does it is just to buy food. He doesn't like his older brother, I think it is part jealousy but also the fights they had when younger.
I know he wants to lose weight but any determination he has never lasts more than a day or two. I have suggested gastric bypass but he is deathly afraid of doctors or surgeries. I can't get him to go to the doctor, the last time was when he was like 19.
I know I enable him, but how do I stop? Should I kick him out unless he gets a job? His benefits claim states that he is "unfit to work" due to "disability", so I can't even force that.
I cry over this a few times a week. I just want to help him but I'm so overwhelmed.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/s07uqm/how_do_i_stop_enabling_my_morbidly_obese_23_yr/
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