So I started losing weight in March of 2017. I weighed 200lbs and am 5’5”. I currently weigh 145lbs. I’ve been maintaining it for about a year. The lowest I got was 133lbs. Well it’s month two of 2020 and I’m upset. I’m still 145lbs after getting down to 136lbs back in September 2019. I want to get back to that weight even though it was a bit miserable to maintain it. (Lot of running, low cal, etc).
I’m just feeling stuck. I’ve always had a goal of being 125lbs. I don’t know why I just did. I know I can lose weight if I run. The reason I got to 136lbs was because I ran 20 miles a week and ate around 1,200 calories a day. I was thin but lost my muscle.
Now...I’ve been going to the gym and weight lifting. I love weight lifting cause I get to feel strong. However, I always end up eating a lot when I weight lift. It just makes me hungry.
So here I am day 1 of February and Im looking at the mess after over eating. I’m just so sick of this. I can maintain 145lbs easily but I don’t feel like I look good. I know I’ll have to just be more strict and be patient again but it’s hard. I just wanna try cutting calories and not eat but I know I shouldn’t. No one noticed I gained weight and what not but I feel it. I don’t feel attractive and my pants are a bit snug.
It also doesn’t help my boyfriend and I have been having really tough start to our new year. I’m stressed out beyond belief as is he and we both tend to stress eat. It’s also hard for me to say no to food as well.
I almost binged last night but did something maybe just as stupid (yay self harm 🤦🏻♀️). I just don’t want to feel this way about my body, my weight, how much should I eat, I want all these thoughts to go away. I feel like it used to be easier when I was 200lbs because I didn’t give a shit if I over ate. I didn’t have this regret I have now.
It’s like great first day of the month and I already blew it. Yes tomorrow is a new day etc but still...I feel like a failure for failing at reaching my goal the last year or so.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/exk5bm/i_just_want_to_vent_i_feel_like_a_failurefake/
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