I’ve kind of always been a bigger dude. I never really liked it and I always was never too bothered by it because I was still pretty active and I was okay with how I looked. Eventually that complacency would move forward and I would also feel even the same as I’d gain weight since I’d never really know how I looked— but I knew I was unhappy. I felt unwanted, kind of gross and slow. I also just wasn’t entirely happy.
I’ve always had bigger legs and there are some things I’m comfortable with but overall, I wasn’t happy. I used to work out with my mother when I was an older teen/early twenties and I’d also play racquetball religiously. After I moved into a partially rural area I couldn’t really make it to the gym with a full time job.
I did eventually start going to orange theory after I moved out of my parents house and worked out and shed the weight off. Things were looking up and I was feeling great and slowly but surely getting an ideal body image for myself. I eventually got with a trainer that was really brutal— they called her “Satan”, I didn’t really care. We worked out and after that workout I was so sore and out of it that I just was discouraged about returning. Shortly after my mother eventually passed, I was diagnosed as bipolar and I’ve just been inactive.
What made me decide I was at my worst? I looked at a picture of myself and saw I was past my worst. I also took some pictures for a friends wedding and I looked disgusting. I hated myself and I just wanted to just start over. I rebooted my Apple Watch and I’m about to get back into playing Racquetball and orange theory as well.
‘I want to take my life back’; it’s what my mother used to say. I hope I can do this. I just felt like saying that I’m tired of it all
Edit: sorry on mobile
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/f9jtx8/i_m27_dont_want_to_be_this_way_anymore_its_time_i/
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