Okay, today I fucked up pretty badly. I started up with around 4 hours of sleep because I couldn't fall back asleep after waking up in the middle of the night. After this, I had an argument with my dad which caused me to emotionally eat the WHOLE pack of donuts he just bought and half the leftover cake that my brother bought (I didn't even like both of the things I ate). I felt really shitty afterwards, and tried to purge but then my dad called me to go to the gym.
Still feeling like shit, on the way to the gym I tried to cancel plans with a friend that I had made before hand. I wanted to restrict so that I could minimise the damage I did. HOWEVER, while I was dying doing the workouts, I changed my mind. Maybe it was the dopamine release or maybe it was just the fact that I was doing something good for my body idk. I realised its not fair. Its not fair that my body has to stress and go through training on shitty food. It wouldn't be fair to force my body to train with just sugar (basically) from the day before.
It hit me, how much longer was I going to live in the prescence of this stupid disorder? I had even gone to the extent of canceling plans with a friend I really wanted to see just so I could not eat for the next 24 hours, then what? Binge again because I was that hungry from improper nutrients? Was I really that afraid that ~500 calories of actual nutritious food (we were going to a healthy cafe :)) that I was willing to ditch her just to despair in my own misery? I laughed at myself. The answer is no. I quickly texted her to ignore my initial texts.
Just because I fell down today doesn't mean that I have to keep kicking myself to stay down. Yes, I won't lose weight this week. But thats okay, because everything is gradual and eventually I'll be where I want. In fact, even if I gain, it wouldnt be that much (500 calories is like what 200 grams of fat or smth) and the more postive impacts that this will have on my mental health would be more worth the restriction.
This binge has made me realise that no matter what happens, the damage has been done. I can't fix the past but I can change the future. So instead of preventing myself from seeing people I want to see and forcing myself to not eat for the rest of the day, to just keep on going. Get up, get back on the diet.
I'm not perfect. I fucked up badly today. But I'm recovering. And I'm going to pick myself up from now on instead of forcing myself to stay down. Just keep going :)
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ed0vxf/why_i_feel_good_about_a_binge/
No comments:
Post a Comment