25 y/o Female, 5’6”, SW 153, CW 153, GW 140
I can’t stop thinking about all the progress I may have had that is now lost. It didn’t make me feel any better, binging was amazing in the moment. It always is amazing in the moment. I feel a moment of release and I can forget about anything else going on. I just disengage and I feel HAPPY for a moment. It feels amazing to eat shit. I love to feel relaxed and unrestricted, I feel like it’s the only moments of true peace I can receive. Is this a sugar high? It’s like a drug? But it destroys everything else around me. I begin to hate my body and hate my choices and hate my boyfriend when tries to even touch me. It makes everything else so much worse.
I wonder if that is a self fulfilling circle of binge, hate, negativity, stress, followed by another bringe to escape those feelings. Am I eating enough during the week to not feel DEPRIVED? How do I lose weight without feeling starved and in need of a binge? Is 1650 cal/day too little when I work our twice a day M-F (weekends off) Should I try cutting out sugary to try to break away from my food addiction? Should I stop trying altogether?
I’m tired of STARTING OVER over and over again. It’s exhausting, I’ve been trying to lose the same 10 lbs for ~6 months now and all I’ve seemed to do is gain or maintain my weight. It is miserable and fucking depressing to think of all this time I have wasted, I feel like a failure. I think of myself as a failure with every day I continue down this road. I don’t know what to do.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ebsyfr/two_weekends_of_binging_over_4000_calorieday_for/
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