Hello,
32M, 5'11, 315 lbs here. Been in the 300s for over a year now, and have spent the decade before that bouncing between 230 and 300 several times.
Like many of you, I am struggling badly to lose weight even though I know exactly what I should be doing (even worse, multiple ways I could be losing weight). Being morbidly obese has robbed me of my quality of life for a long time, but the past year had been like no other... I am not just slowly declining anymore, I am getting worse by the day.
I've been getting:
-
pretty consistent angina
-
very high blood pressure (160+)
-
heart beat which goes erratic for hours if I eat anything salty, headaches from eating salty food as well. Honestly feel like "this is the time my heart will explode" every time I binge eat junk food and can't stop myself regardless.
-
developing COPD even though I've never smoked, have trouble breathing properly for hours if I binge eat, and day to day I always feel bad, my belly affects my ability to breathe properly.
-
chronically dehydrated even if I drink 100 gallons of water a day. It gets to a point where I wake up in the middle of the night with no more saliva and almost unable to breathe, and now I've been developing sleep apnea the past couple of months and I feel absolutely exhausted no matter what I do or how much I sleep.
-
pain in both feet, legs, knees. I can barely get on my knees to accomplish tasks. Most humiliating for me is barely being able to clip my toenails.
-
Feeling randomly light-headed at various times throughout the day, on a daily basis.
It's affecting my job, I feel on the verge of getting fired because I have been late to work a lot because I wake up feeling like I got hit by a bus. I work a salaried position so I just make up my hours but obviously it makes me look like an idiot. I'm not as efficient at my job overall as I used to be and the lack of energy is a big factor. I've missed days where I was too exhausted from not being able to get restful sleep, or was sick from binge eating the previous day. My stress is through the roof both because of this and my work being stressful in the first place, working for a narcissistic sociopath for a boss who likes to fire anyone and everyone, so even when I was performing well I felt I could get fired any day.
My personal life is not much better, not really any friends besides some people I am on friendly terms with at work, but I don't have anyone to spend time with, just texting a few times a week. Barely any contact with my family, just a call occasionally to see if I'm still alive. I live in a decent apartment, it's a decent size and cheap, but I get bored in there as I live in the middle of nowhere and don't have a car so I pretty much go stir crazy in here. It's also why I haven't left my job, it's the only good job in this region (admittedly a very well paying job which is the only thing I really have going for me until I get fired, I'm saving 70% of my net salary) so finding a new job means moving to a new region as well which is tough without a car. I've got ambitions to work for myself long term (writing, game dev, digital art, woodworking are all things I'm trying to learn to eventually try and monetize in 3-5 years) as job-related/money stress is a big part of the issues in my life but again, I feel like a zombie every day from the lack of restful sleep due to being obese and I can't get any of the things I aim for done at home either. I don't feel sad or depressed overall as I did for most of my 20s, but I feel barely anything these days instead. I'm so numb I'm pretty sure someone could pull a gun to my head and I would barely react. I'm just super burnt-out instead of being depressed. I have Asperger's and it has been a challenge my whole life dealing with burn-out... my "solution" previously has just been to quit work and take 2-3 months off to recuperate but that's not a very healthy solution if I want to maintain a career.
It's frustrating, I know what I should be doing. There are dozens of easy to follow diets out there: keto, whole food/plant based, vegan, CICO/1800 calories a day (the amount I need for my healthy weight), even water fasting or carnivore diet can work to jump start losing weight. 30 minutes of light exercise a day, walking, yoga, or low-intensity strength exercise (way too scared to do heavy exercise), hell just doing 5 minutes of burpees a day would cut it... it's really not rocket science. Add in other healthy daily rituals like meditation, herbal teas, etc as you want and try to have a consistent daily life. Well, I've been trying loosely since I was 20 to lose weight, and trying really hard in the past year to get out of this rut but I feel like I'm drowning instead of progressing, just getting worse and more difficult every day. I can lose 10 pounds in a week barely trying but it takes barely a day to lose all of my progress with binge eating (work stress -> unhealthy coping mechanism). I waste so much money on food too... I'm ashamed to say it but I spent $900 on food last month; I don't even know how I did that. Again I make a good salary but wasting a chunk of it on food is humiliating when it should be $200-300 a month max.
I honestly feel trapped by my situation. I know if I stay at this job for another 1.5 years I can be really financially stable long term, allowing me to buy a car and a house, so I don't want to leave even though I am not happy working for the sociopath, but being where I am right now is so difficult mentally. For example I'd buy a treadmill but I'm in an apartment and don't want to be that person that makes a ruckus in a nice quiet place. I'd run on the side of the road but where I live there is only 1 real road, no sidewalks and too much traffic (plus 6 month long winter) to be safe. I'd buy a house so I could have a treadmill and spend my energy doing other house chores as well, but the market around here is awful so I'm afraid I couldn't resell it after I leave this job, and I still want to save up more (I finished paying off $100k in student loans last year and I'm terrified to ever go back in debt, so I don't want to buy a house without a significant amount of savings). It just feels like all of my issues interact with each other in a way that makes it difficult for me to make progress, and the final result is that I keep gaining weight and feeling worse. I know that's a cop out, it's just how I feel on a daily basis. I've spent way too much time in the past year reading books and watching youtube about building good habits, having goals in life (previously my goal was to pay off my loans and I did feel a void after I finally paid them off), being happy, building discipline, etc. So much time that now it's become a habit to watch these useless fucking videos, instead of actually applying the content in them.
Sorry for the ramble, and I know not all of it is weight-related, but it is all interlinked for me and I needed to get this stuff off my chest. I know I'm a mess. I know what I need to do. I know what I need to eat. I know what exercises I should be doing. I haven't been able to do it yet but it's not for lack of wanting or knowledge. I won't have forever though because at this rate of getting worse I'll be dead by 35. I posted this for myself but also for others to be able to read how quickly your health can deteriorate when you stay obese too long, and how that can impact the rest of your life. I guess this also counts as my day 1 post. I hope to be able to look back in a year or two and see I've moved past this phase of my life.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/f34e9m/obesity_and_my_declining_quality_of_life/
No comments:
Post a Comment