I don't know if this is the right sub but I feel like posting this somewhere will make me feel better
I'm 26 and male. I've always been athletic and played sports as a kid. I used to do a lot of physical activity and live a normal life. Since my early 20s I've been having troubles. I have had depression and anxiety since 18 which has ravaged my life and continues to do so. I also began suffering from chronic joint pain, similar to arthritis in my joints. It has slowly gotten worse and has very much so negatively affected my life. I cannot exercise and I'm in pain daily.
Anyway, I won't go into that part much. Earlier in the year my symptoms began to worsen significantly all at once. This was when I really began to eat. I never thought that I'd be the type of person to uncontrollably gain weight. All my life I've been at a relatively normal weight and active. My eating troubles began around 2016ish but I was able to lose it. I have lost weight before and didn't think much of it.
Around late 2017 is when it started to spiral. I was eating McDonald's and fast food almost daily. This is when I began to go on massive binges. I'd eat pizzas, boxes of cereal, multiple cans of soda etc etc. Despite this I was able to keep binges to a couple of days a week. Summer 2018 came and I began to eat a lot more as I went out a lot that summer. At this point I was still doing huge binges but not often. My eating problem mainly stemmed from laziness and motivation rather than depression. I kept putting off my "diet" and kept calling my last huge binge my absolute last.. It never worked.
At this point I'd already gained weight. I went from low 200s to maybe 215ish. This was a relief as I thought I'd gained more. My real troubles began early 2019. Some of my symptoms began to worsen and I was really depressed. I would just eat and eat and eat. It really disgusts me to think about now. It wasn't uncommon for me to for example grab Burger King for Lunch then go out for a steak with friends. I'd eat a whole pizza, 4 cans of pop and get McDonald's later. Once I ate two large pizzas from pizza hut together. I would often buy soda and snacks from gas stations and eat. I don't know what happened. Food just made me feel better.
I gained a lot of weight during the time from January to around August. Several people noticed it and I did to. The binge eating has continued and it just makes me feel so guilty. Last night I had a Whole popeyes meal, a whole bag of brownies and cinnamon bites.
I have not weighed myself. I'm too scared. I'd guess that I'm around 260 now. I've never even been this close to this weight before. I notice my stomach and chest is bigger. I feel more sluggish and I can feel my face is more puffier, same with my neck. I can barely fit into my old clothes. There have been so many days where I've had diarrhea or threw up from nausea and I just feel tired all the time.
I know how to lose weight and what to do.. My problem is motivation and my depression. My condition is permanent but I need to learn how to cope and not jump to food to help me. I just need to learn how to control my impulses and stay disciplined... It really feels like an addiction. I have spent at least $800 on fast food and eating out since the summer. If I go back to January of this year and calculate all the pizzas, cookies, soda, UberEATS etc etc it'll probably be well over $5000.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/eevtku/a_full_year_of_binge_eating/
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