throwaway account bc I don’t want this to be on my main
I’m 20F and I’ve always been chubby. I went from being chubby in elementary school to overweight in middle school to slowly obese in highschool. I’m now standing at 152 lbs at 4”11 which is around BMI 30. Not only am I short but I’m also fat lol.
I’ve always been aware of my size and my family’s never really let me forget about it either. Around 12 I started restricting and working out, but it wasn’t until 13 that I discovered tumblr and well we all know where that goes.
Ill prefaces by saying by saying that initially I think I just ate too many snacks, but my world never revolved around food. I started restricting and yes I’d drop weight but it became a binge restrict cycle and constantly losing the same 10lbs. The problem is that now I can’t stop thinking about food, eevn when I’m not hungry all I wanna do is eat and it’s awful, I can’t concentrate bc food is the only thing on my mind and I feel so fucked up. My family is so cruel in regards to my weight and I feel so bad that I can’t just lose the weight.
I’ll admit I don’t have the healthiest relationship with food but it’s not a disorder either. I don’t have the means for therapy or whatever, honestly i just want to lose weight and I’m struggling. I know it’ll make me feel so much better but it’s like my brain doesn’t think of anything but food? I feel like I’m just making excuses. It doesn’t help that I’m short so I’d have to consume less calories.
I feel really bad about myself, I hate that I’m so obsessed with food, I have health anxiety too bc being obese is so bad for you, I don’t really know where I’m even going with this post. if anyone’s been in the same boat and has any I’d appreciate it. Feel like I have no self control and I’m just disgusting, like all the stereotypes:(
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/sj4l8i/being_fat_is_ruining_me/
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