I came here because I wonder if I’ve got rock bottom. I’m a stay at home, 32 year old mother of four, I have depression (being treated for) and my hobbies (card games, rpgs, video games) don’t exactly encourage me to go run around.
I spent my early twenties (before my husband) underweight (5’5 barely 110lb). Not because I thought I was fat, but due to the culmination of my years of untreated depression coming to a head, losing my then-fiancé, quitting nursing school and dating a man who my family disapproved of so much we almost stopped taking to each other (that man is my husband now lol he was subject to rumours from a vindictive ex friend/ex) I would eat and then spontaneously throw up, simply due to stress. That changed when I got pregnant. I could not starve my baby so I started eating snacks here and there, and spent my first trimester gaining weight to what I should have been more pregnancy (130ish) then I got up to 170 at the end.
Well turns out birth control doesn’t like me so I ended up with 4 kids in 5 years. The supposed bad guy stuck around, supports me and works his ass off so I can stay home with the kids.
Postpartum depression hit me like a mac truck. I had a bad experience when I was 16 -17 of therapists/doctors thinking I wasn’t depressed so I was hesitant to go back. (My husband didn’t have a good experience either so we tried to power through together) I swung the other way hard and now I am 210-220lb pounds. Last year I finally went to my new doctor and now am on meds which help stabilize me but I do still struggle.
Covid and the personal and financial strain it has caused (along with I must now homeschool the kids) has worn my fragile mental health. Last week my sister gave me a chocolate cake to ‘get it out of her house’ so she didn’t eat it all.
I ate it all. Myself. In 4 days.
I don’t hate my body, I do attribute this to my husband (who says my body looks like I birthed four kids and that’s beautiful) So although I find it annoying to look at my fat, it is just annoyance and not hate. But now he is concerned about my snoring and is worried about my health and that I am giving myself sleep apnea.
If I do not do something I am not going to be the best mom I can be for my kids. I won’t be able to fight my depression without proper sleep. I won’t be able to put 100% into my relationship. I need this to change but honestly (I assume depression?) I just don’t care on some levels. I’m tired of all the stress and the last thing I want to do is add more to myself.
Where do I even start? I tried to start small by making myself overnight it’s but the night before it honestly seems like such a chore. Logically I know it isn’t but I just can’t make myself do it consistently.
Where does someone as weak as me (both physically and mentally) start?
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/kwyi8i/what_is_rock_bottom_somehow_i_feel_i_can_keep/
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