Hey r/loseit, hope you all are doing well and reaching your goals!! This is my first Reddit post so I don't even know where to start but here we go.
Some background about me: When I (18F) was 14, I developed a restrictive eating disorder. I recovered after a year and spent the next three years healthy. There were times when I felt anxious about my body and about food, but the thoughts weren't debilitating anymore and I was confident and happy overall.
However, when COVID hit in March 2020 and lockdown happened, I, like many other people, was suddenly spending a lot of time at home, bored and anxious, alone with my thoughts. It was manageable at first, and I spent a lot of time running and making music to release my stress. But in April 2020, I got injured and couldn't run for a month. And that's when the binge eating REALLY started. It wasn't much at first - just once every two weeks or so. But gradually, it spiraled out of control and I found myself bingeing once, twice, three times, or more per week. It became a vicious cycle - I was stressed so I binged, but bingeing would exacerbate my stress. And the binges were intense - I would eat until I was in so much pain I almost couldn't stand up; and yet, I couldn't stop. I felt so ashamed and so angry at myself after each binge, which would only serve to trigger another binge. A few months in, I came to realize that I had become more or less completely dependent on bingeing to deal with negative emotions, even though it always only made the problem worse. I have made numerous attempts to stop, but each time, the moment I experienced negative emotions or an intense craving, I would immediately cave and revert back to bingeing.
I've gained around 10lbs since March 2020, owing completely to binge eating. I am by no means overweight, but there is no denying that my lifestyle and eating habits are incredibly unhealthy. I am naturally a small person, and the weight gain has made me feel so sluggish and tired. I never have energy anymore, playing sports feels so much more exhausting, and I feel like I'm constantly pushing through a mental fog, unable to focus on anything, even the things I enjoyed.
I have had enough. I am SICK of this. I am sick of living like this. I have my whole life ahead of me - college, career, family and love and laughter and so much more, and there is no way in HELL I am ready to lie down and give up and sacrifice all of that because of my eating disorder. It's not so much about losing weight as it is about changing my lifestyle and mindset. I want to be healthy and happy again - to have the energy and vivacity to enjoy life and to be confident. I found r/loseit in summer 2020 and you all have inspired me and given me the courage to take on this beast head on, once and for all. I'm scared and there are a million thoughts racing through my head but I'm ready. I'm ready to beat this.
I'm going to post here to keep myself accountable every 10 days. I haven't gone more than a week without bingeing since I can't even remember - maybe July 2020? And while I'm very much aware that being healthy is a lifelong pursuit, I've set myself a few milestones to aim for. My first milestone is to make it 30 days without bingeing. After that, it'll be 60 days, then 90 days, etc. etc.
Tomorrow (February 1) is Day 1. Let's do this.
And good luck to everyone here on reaching whatever goals you have set for yourselves!! You are all such inspiring and wonderful and supportive people and I am so thankful that this kind and compassionate community exists. I believe in you. You got this. We got this.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/l9rwhp/i_am_going_to_beat_binge_eating_disorder/
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