I've been overweight most of my post-puberty life. Save for a brief period in my early 20s when I was in the military, I have carried an extra 75-100 lbs and have self-loathed every minute of it. I found solace through food, through the joys of eating terrible-for-me food, knowing in the back of my mind that I was hurting myself in the process, but so wrapped up in lack of esteem and burying other issues, my eating habits never changed from the garbage that i ate as a teenager. Today, I have high blood pressure and Type 2 Diabetes with an AIC between 8 and 10, and it takes several medications to achieve that.
I've been through 2 failed marriages due to my selfishness and lack of self-worth, which has manifested itself in many forms, and am precariously close to losing #3. I'm tired of it. I've said that before in my life, many times in fact, and never even found the willpower or motivation to begin. All the self-statements of "This time, I'm actually GONNA DO IT!" were forgotten by morning. Right now, I cant even trust myself to make the statements. I've let myself and my loved ones down so many times that I just wonder if I am not destined to an early grave because I some how convince myself to not even bother.
I'm at Day Zero, people. I can't do this alone (whatever "this" is). I don't trust myself to even draw the line in the sand because I kick the line away the next morning. What do I do?
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/jxdztj/at_50_years_old_im_finally_ready_i_think/
No comments:
Post a Comment