I'm just feeling so trapped. I feel so stupid and ashamed. I can't believe I let myself go. I'm 23F 5'10" for reference.
I've always been obese but the highest I've ever been was 290 lbs at 17 yrs old (I lost 70 pounds and was actually at 220 and felt AMAZING... but I gained it all back since then). The past few years I was maintaining at like 260-270. I wasn't happy with my weight and I wanted to change but I didn't have the motivation to just yet.
I lost my job in March when the pandemic was gearing up in the USA. I've been applying for jobs since but haven't heard from anyone so it's been pretty hard on my self esteem. I've been just sitting in my house and playing video games and eating. No exercise. No diet. I've been drinking 6+ drinks a night. I started smoking pot and getting munchies. I was doing anything I could to drown my emotions. This whole thing has affected me greatly. I went from being an independent adult with my own life to being a bum living off of my boyfriend.
When I got on the scale tonight it read 312 lbs. I cried for about 15 minutes in the bathroom. I feel so ugly, and ashamed and disgusting. I am so horrific. I can't believe I let myself become like this. None of my clothes fit except t shirts and yoga pants. My jeans are way too small, so are all my blouses and nice clothes.
I am so upset by this but I've decided I'm going to change my life starting tomorrow. I need to do it. I want to live a healthy lifestyle. Not just for me, but for my dog, my boyfriend, my future children. I'm ready to change my life. It sucks getting to 300+ pounds made me ready. I wish I could have done this before it got to this point.
If anyone has any advice for me that would be appreciated. Thanks for reading my post; this was really more of a vent. But I'm welcome to any discussion
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/k3rwoa/got_on_the_scale_tonight_after_8_months_of/
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