TW: calorie counting, eating disorder
I had an eating disorder as a teenager. I was also an athlete and generally very active.
I got over the eating disorder with therapy and have been chilling at around the same weight (from stats below) for several years, with inconsistent exercise aside from high daily step count/active life. I like to think my relationship with food is fairly healed and I practice mostly intuitive eating.
I've been wanting to improve my body composition and eating habits in a constructive way. I am tracking my food now, and it feels somewhat triggering. I want to work through this and have different reactions so that I can actually reach my goals in a healthy way. I'm aiming for about 1800-1900 cals a day and 1.5g/kg protein.
Today, my lunch and breakfast were a bit higher in caloric amounts than expected and consequently I don't have much "left" for dinner. I feel disappointed and frustrated, and feel the compulsion to not have dinner. I have a bit of a "deprivation" mindset because I know I "can't" have that much more food today as per the app. And I hate that feeling. Knowing my old patterns, this is a setup for a binge - either later tonight or in the coming days.
So I don't want to do that. Instead, I'm trying hard to connect with my feelings of hunger and fullness, and to detach myself from the previous feelings of guilt or of having "ruined" the day.
I want to connect with what I feel and with the satisfaction of what I ate today. I want look at my intake with more of a scientific/rational mind. I.e. "I reached this number because of x choices I made, and I feel full/not full. Here are the things I can do differently next time". I've had lots of delicious food today. I don't want the numbers take away from all the satisfaction and nutrition I've achieved.
It's a process and I guess this is highlighting that I am still working through things.
I just wanted to vent a bit and perhaps hear from others who have gone through something similar. Hope this is appropriate for this sub. If there is a better suited sub, please let me know.
Stats: 29F, 5'6" SW:160 CW: same GW:140? Mostly a health BMI and better body composition. Desk Job, workout 2-3x/week at present
TL;DR - Recovered from ED years ago. Trying to improve body composition and started tracking my food. Feeling tempted to slip back into old, unhelpful patterns but trying to work through it with a kinder, more rational mindset instead.
[link] [comments]
source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/trs20g/recovered_ed_trying_to_do_this_the_right_way/
No comments:
Post a Comment