Long story short I was morbidly obese all my life. I don't remember my exact age, I think junior year of high school, I hit my highest weight of 302lbs at 5'9". I more or less maintained that weight until in sophomore year of college where I decided to stick to a diet for good. I'd be lying if I said my motivation wasn't for girls, but looking back I realized how miserable, alone, and how much I hated myself.
Over the next 1.5 years I lost 140lbs to go from 289lbs to 150lbs. I maintained that weight from 20 to 23.5 years old. That year I got hit with some mental health issues and I began gaining all my weight back. In the span of 10 months (September - July) I gained 130lbs back up to 280lbs. Just under a year and a half later I'm down 80lbs to 210lbs. I'm not sure if I want to go down to 150lbs this time, I'm going to reevaluate at 170lbs and possibly 160lbs.
Anyway, the point of this post: I've lost the past almost two years to this weight gain. I'm embarrassed, disappointed, have no confidence, and am discouraged it's taken me the same amount of time to lose 80lbs as it did 140lbs the first time. I'm scared to leave my house sometimes because I remember how much better I was treated by people when I was in shape. Being viciously bullied growing up I remove myself from situations where I can face that same judgement and behavior.
The funny thing is, in a way the weight gain was a blessing in disguise. I had severe body dysmorphia when I was at that weight, now looking back I'd give anything to be there tomorrow. I think I'm going to have much more appreciation for it the 2nd time around. I just don't know how to stop this disappointment and embarrassment until I get there.
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source https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/q48kcy/how_do_i_accept_myself_as_i_continue_to_lose/
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